When do we get the toaster?

Al is 3

2010-05-06T21:51:00.000+09:30

We had Al's third birthday this weekend just gone. It was lovely - just a few friends and six or so of their kids. And another year of Thomas the Tank Engine. We had planned to have another theme this year but AL was insistent and as my friend Leanne said 'its not like he'll want it when he is 15'

We had a few party games which he totally enjoyed and he loved the singing and candle blowing. It was laid back and sunny and basically a very nice event.

It was however late. We had to postpone because Al got norovirus and shared it around the family just after his real birthday in April. We are still recovering really as we have moved through weeks and weeks of revolving family illness, she has it, he has it, he has it, she has it again, oh lets try that again shall we. Gaye currently has pnemonia, Thomas a temp and Al a cold. I'm the last one standing.

Must be time to organise a holiday...

How do you say toilet?

2010-03-25T13:57:00.000+10:30

I dropped Thomas off to school camp yesterday morning. It is three days long and they don't get to speak anything but Italian. He couldn't believe that the teachers wouldn't speak English to him for the whole trip. Neither could I but for slightly different reasons. He has spent the whole week practicing things like where is the toilet? coming up with strategies to manage any possible social gaffs and working out who he wants to have in his cabin.

They don't let parents go on camp anymore. When I was teaching (and when I was a kid) the parent helper was an important part of camp management. Now it seems it is all about having some time away from us (perhaps we are all a bit helicopterish). I think it is a shame really cause I loved it when my folks came on camp and I was kinda looking forward to doing that. Thomas however seem completely unconcerned about having time away from us.

He wasn't at all keen about me coming into the hall to drop him off - all the other parents were! And was told very firmly and clearly NOT to kiss him goodbye in front of his friends. Sigh... shoulder rub and have a good time darling was all I was left with.

I am thinking of him alot - I am sure I haven't even crossed his mind!

Really honestly I want to live on a commune

2010-03-15T09:57:00.002+10:30

Well sort of a commune. I was born in the sixties but I want the 2010 version.

I want to live in close radius (my idea is four or six houses in two rows that back into each other so we can take down the fences and have a huge backyard) in the middle of Sydney with friends and family who are all raising children. I want our kids to go to schools nearby to each other so we can share the drop-offs and pick ups, I want to share a couple of cars, a lawn mower and set up a grocery run roster. I want to take it in turns to go out to the markets and buy our vegies for the whole group. I want to share dropping of dry cleaning and letting in the tradies. I want to share after-school care and the occasional I’ll feed and bath your kids cause you need to work late or are studying tonight.

I want to have our own houses for each family so we can have our own space and setting and things. I want us to be able to pay our own bills so each can spend on what is important to them. But I want to do that in close proximity to other people I love and trust with my children.

I want a huge back yard for my kids to play in and for me to know that there is a community of people with their eyes on them. I want to share the occasional dinner along a long table set up outside in that backyard where we would each bring plates of food to share and celebrate significant occasions in this way as well.

Every week at somepoint I have a conversation with a friend about the juggle and the busy and the stuff that needs to be done and the time spent doing things that we are all doing.

And every time I think I want to live in a commune.

weekends away

2010-03-08T16:54:00.001+10:30

We really love a weekend away in my family. Whenever we have one I declare we have to have them more often (I also make this declaration after every holiday) but the reality is we are lucky to get away every 6 - 8 weeks.

Gaye has been away ALOT this year for work and to be with Carol and so we haven't been away at all this year until now.

This time Thomas, Al and I travelled by (two) trains and plane (and a walk through the pouring rain to get to the station) to meet Gaye who was in Brisbane for work. The boys were gorgeous together. Thomas downloading a popular little kids tv show on his new i*pod for Al to watch. Al would only watch if Thomas did to, they sat on the train, Al's hand on Thomas knee - honestly I thought my heart would break.

We had a truly lovely time in Brissie (do only non QLD'ers call it that?). We caught up with Carol's family on Saturday and then spent the best part of the rest of the weekend at Southbank streets beach.

A perfect spot for the just 11 year old and almost 3 year old (and you can't say that about many places) with decent coffee to boot for the mummas.

We slept and ate and hung out and caught the plane and two trains back home. Thomas made more trips to the buffet than you can count at the Q club out on the way home. Al watching intently for the seatbelt light to go off on landing.

The boys - weekend away bonded - bathed together last night. Thomas calling out 'we need tea cups Gaye!!!' from the bath while Gaye and I had a red together.

Perfect

should we talk about talking

2010-03-05T13:47:00.001+10:30

Al doesn't talk much yet.

That is right he is almost three and only says about 10 words. The clearest of which are 'no' and his versions of his brother's and the dog's names. So worry right?

Gaye and I have taken it in turns to worry about this; with one parent thinking it will be okay while the other is concerned about it. This worry alternation has facilitated a series of appointments and tests for hearing and development - with one parent almost always at the 'just in case'/'just to be sure' stage at anyone time.

See the thing is Al understands everything. EVERYTHING. He can follow and understand two or three part instructions, he is able to communicate - through signs and charm and sounds - to have his needs met. He is a happy and joy filled child. Who is engaged and connected with the people in his life and the world around him. Not even the slightest bit frustrated by his own lack of talking. As it turns out all the appointments and tests have endorsed that he is meeting all his other development milestones in fine form and has almost perfect hearing. So surely I shouldn't worry? But should we do anything?

I have learnt to use completely different language about Al's language development when talking to different people. With professionals I talk about his perfectly developed receptive language but under developed expressive language. With our families and friends I talk about how the professionals say he will talk when he is ready. With Thomas I talk about everyone developing 'at his or her own rate' and how sometimes 'we all need help with something' and in our family when we need extra help with something we are lucky enough to be able to afford a 'teacher' or a tool to do that. 'Like you with reading darling, remember you needed a teacher to help you catch up. And now look at you, years ahead of your class level.'

Thomas definitely thinks we should do something if Al should be talking by now. My mother and Gaye's mother think we should leave well enough alone. 'He is clearly bright enough and understanding everything he will talk when he is ready.' My sister who spends more time with him than his grandmothers combined thinks that she would 'be worrying a bit by now if I was you'

The staff at little school were, I think, pretty surprised at Al's ability to communicate without language. I think they thought we were a bit in denial before they spent time with him but now agree that Al can get any message across that he wants and understands 'absolutely everything' that is said around him. In fact one of the reasons we sent him to little school was the hope that interacting with other children and/or having adults (and older brother) around who didn't interpret his every need from the raising of an eyebrow might inspire him to use more language. So far it has meant a much clearer and definite no!

A couple of weeks ago I saw a TV show about an early intervention centre. As we both have backgrounds in education/children with disabilities Gaye and I understand the (positive) difference that early intervention can make. We also understand the (negative) impact that diagnosis/labelling can have on how a child is perceived.

Anyway inspired by the positive engagement and good outcomes showcased on this program I rang the centre for an appointment for Al. I then rang our paediatrician for a referral. 'The blah blah centre?' she said. 'Al doesn't need to go there!' We talked about how ineffectual the local speech therapist at the hospital had been (she kept asking me if we read to him...) and so she suggested we go to another 'if you are really worried about it.'

Last Friday Gaye took him. He behaved in ways unseen before. He was unwell and had been up all night with asthma. He refused to talk, refused to play, banged his head against the door hard enough to make the room shake, signed to be taken to the toilet about 8 times in the hour, spat his food out and did not look at the speechy. Gaye said it was mortifying. As each time the speechy asked him or Gaye something Al did the opposite. Gaye said the speechy started doing that slow nodding and 'of coursing' that a person does when they clearly think you are off your rocker/in denial. Gaye also said the speechy had crap toys and was in Al's face - surely not something you would generally do with an almost three year old?

I took him to the paediatrician that afternoon to have his chest listened to. She laughed ALOT when I told her about the appointment - as the now rested and comfy Al was charming and chatty (sounds not words) with her. 'Ohhh I am looking forward to that report Al!' she said.

We think the speechy thinks he completely developmentally delayed (she says his speech is at 15 months) and we are in complete denial. So we asked her to delay the report until after she had seen him again 'when he was feeling better.' She is coming to do a house visit next week. Sigh ...

And see now I feel quite judgemental of her - who judges a three year old on one meeting? what sort of professional who works with children has missing part/not fitting and dull toys?

Sometimes I wish I wasn't the parent who did something...

sighing with relief

2010-03-03T09:58:00.002+10:30

I am not really a glass half full person.

About eight years ago now, thou my life took a very different course from the one I had planned, wanted, expected. And sometime since then I have made a real effort to find the half full glass ( or at least some of it!). The more I practice the better I do (and probably not surprisingly the happier I am, the better my life feels, the more able I am to deal and manage life's small and big challenges) ... but still it is not a natural thing for me to look for the positive. Gaye is a very positive and forward looking no nonsense sort of person and this certainly impacts on my way of thinking about things but still I am not likely to shout from the roof if something is … you know ….good.

And so right now, you’ll understand, I am still a little hesitant about declaring how happy I feel with the decision we made to move Thomas to a new school. Gaye and I talk about it nearly everyday. We are in a constant state of amazement at the changes in him.

Ever since Grade 2 (at infant school) Thomas has started most school days with a reason why he shouldn't go to school. Sometimes it started the night before. This hasn't happened once yet in this school.

In the last few years at old school I have often asked him - what is good at school? What do you like? And the answer has always been 'lunch and playing with my friends.'

Last Thursday as we walked to school from the bus he said (without any prompting or questioning from this mother)'you know what I really look forward to Mum - language class when we do the find-a-word and I really like my maths teacher.

I made every effort to be low key (we were in the street close to school and he is in year 5 after all!) but could not help but give him a hug and tell him that was just fantastic.

He is working enthusiastically at his homework and talking about it really positively. The teachers are talking positively about his enthusiasm and friendliness that he is doing well.

I am not sure if it is a timing thing, a maturity thing, an opportunity to reinvent himself, maybe he is being stretched more (the work seems much harder but he is taking it in his stride), maybe it is because he is more settled now he lives in one home and visits his Dad rather than living across two homes, maybe it is because the school has a real philosophy of personal responsibility and expects the kids to step up (which he is) I don’t know.

All I know is that my boy from Kindergarten who embraced new things, was excited by learning, who had a go, who was happy and settled has returned.

He asked me to come out to the swimming carnival yesterday, which I did ofcourse even though it meant a lunch hour in the traffic. He was thrilled to bits to win two blue ribbons and one bronze and so chuffed to contribute 29 points to his house.

I had missed his swims but he was still glad to see me and we sat together eating hot chips and cheered and shouted on our friend Zac (who is in third grade but another house) and watched him win his race too.

So far so good at new school

Tuesday mornings

2010-02-24T15:10:00.001+10:30

On Tuesday mornings we have to be at school by 7:30 for music.

Thomas is not, much to my disappointment as I just loved it at school, a big fan of playing music. We have tried guitar and clarinet but he really doesn't enjoy it much and I had (in old school) given up and accepted that it was not his thing. But in this school all the grade 4s and 5s have to do band. And that involves being at school by 7:30 in the morning once a week on a Tuesday.

Because of the need to drop Al off a bit later and because it is just too hot to ride (39 degrees yesterday) we have started catching the bus to school, especially on Tuesdays. Gaye then takes Al into little school by car and drops the car off at my parking place at work so I can pick the boys up without everyone frying. (Bring on autumn so we can ride again)

Thomas really does not like the fact that he has to get up at 6:00. He has to because it takes him at least an hour to dress, eat, feed the dog and put his lunch in his bag in the morning. That is right four things 1. eat the food put in front of him 2.Dress in a t-shirt, shorts, socks, shoes, sunscreen and teeth 3.feed half a cup of dried food to the dog and give him clean water 4.put lunch that has been made for him in his bag.

On Tuesdays I just don't worry about his 'jobs' ie: walking the dog, making the bed and putting out the rubbish. Because that would mean we would need to get up at 5:30.

See so that is, like, 15 minutes per task or maybe 20 for the dressing and 10 for the dog. He tells me it is completely impossible to do that.

grief

2010-02-22T14:35:00.005+10:30

We are a bit sad in Toaster town.

A very dear friend of Gaye's and good friend to all our family, Carol, died last week. Carol was an exceptional woman and her community contribution enormous. So much so there has been a research fund in her name and Gaye has put plenty of energy assisting with the establishment of this in the past months as her friend was dying. Carol was excited about the fund and what it represented and it has been a bit of a blessing for Gaye as she has poured all her sadness into action.

For Gaye this is an incredible loss, and that is not for me to blog about. But it has also been a big loss for our family ... and for me, as I mourn the loss of a friend, mentor and supporter, it has been a time of also thinking about how to walk the boys, Thomas in particular, through grief.

Carol was a big part of our lives, sharing in big and small family events and spending many an hour in tea fueled conversation about the boy’s development, milestones, trials and tribulations. Carol was a fan of our two boys and they of her. Always pleased to see each other, no matter how much time had passed between visits it was always comfortable and fun to have Carol at our home. Her visits were filled with laughter, shocked expressions, raised eyebrows and ~~gossip~~ er, debriefs. We talked about work, politics, public policy, our friends, her grandkids and our boys. We ate and talked and talked and ate.

I can't tell you how impossible it is to believe that this life-filled person is no longer with us. All the way through her funeral there was this sense of unbelievability about it, surely at any moment we could turn around and talk to her about what people were saying and doing in their grief.

We remained hopeful - perhaps in denial of reality - of a good or better outcome until only a short while ago. But at the same time we were open with the boys, Thomas in particular, that she was very unwell but fighting, very unwell but trying so hard to stay with us and her family for as long as she could.

Once we became aware that this was a fight she couldn't win we talked about that with him too. He broke my heart each time we talked about it, 'is there no crack not even the smallest crack in the door Mum that she can win?''what if we took her to another doctor, one far away?' Her grandchildren had similar and even more heart wrenching conversations with their parents. Making bargains and hoping for another outcome.

Although Thomas has experienced some death in his life, Carol was the first person he really loved who died.

We all went up the funeral, Thomas and Al's first. It was a very child friendly funeral ... balloons, colouring in and stickers.

We took a friend to look after Al. Al at two is not aware of the loss or the meaning of it. But I feel so sad that he will not know Carol as he grows.

I was so proud of Thomas, he cried gently and easily, he spent a lot of time gauging the reactions of the other many children at the funeral aware that some had lost their nonna, he bravely sat on his own while Gaye spoke (and I stood by her) about her love for Carol and Carol's love for our boys, he went and got both Gaye and I a cup of tea without being asked at the wake he continues to be concerned (without being anxious) for Gaye as primary griever.

It keeps passing through my mind to tell Carol ....

Thomas' first impressions

2010-02-16T08:06:00.000+10:30

Thomas came home from his first day of school pretty impressed with new school.

Mainly he likes that he is expected to get about the school both in the morning and on the way to language and music classes on his own - rather that marched about in two lines from place to place.

He also thinks the canteen looks like a cafe.

And he got to choose his own buddy - apparently a good thing.

His main comment on the kids was that 'they sit up straight and listen all the time mum.'

Gaye and I almost wet ourselves at his story of getting lost thou.

After being told by the teachers at orientation 'not to worry about getting lost everyone does. Just remember you are in the Wright Building on level 1. That is right with a 'W', W R I G H T.'

Much to his embarrassment I made him practice walking into the classroom (two floors up, past reception, along the walkway, into the other building and down a floor) before we left.

One of the first things I asked him was 'how many times did you get lost'

'Only once Mum,' was his reply. 'It was because I was looking for the wong building - you know wrong without an r.'

That is one for the 21st....

That big boy is 11

2010-02-16T07:55:00.000+10:30

Thomas turned 11 yesterday. And really we couldn't be more proud of him. He is really doing the transfer to the new school with a mature attitude and an open spirit. Makes a mumma's heart sing.

He was thrilled to bits with his i*pod n*anno and speakers telling me over and over that it was 'the best present of his life'

We celebrated with chocolate afternoon teas and dinner with Aunty Lou.

He took cakes to school and commented on how the kids were so lovely and all kept wishing him a happy birthday.

The party is to come - but the day it self was a very happy one.

what did little school say about his first day ...

2010-02-05T13:29:00.001+10:30

Al’s First Day at Little School
3rd February 2010
We welcomed you today Al, as you arrived with your mum Clare, who spent some time with you as you familiarised yourself more with our morning tea routine.
You appeared so comfortable in your environment, a big smile appearing on your face as you looked around your surroundings. No doubt many of the things you saw were already familiar to you, as you’ve done quite a number of pre visits before your first day of care today. You only took a few bites of your morning tea (which was corn thins and apple slices), as there were so many distractions around you and you couldn’t help but get up from your seat and explore these.
When your mum left you kept that smile and continued to explore what was around you. You played with the toy cars, pushing these along the table; you also were drawn to the drawing experience a few times and made markings on the paper using textas. Drawing is an interest of yours, and this is something we can provide for you to engage in while at the centre. You pointed to the Thomas hats on the hooks and picked up a book on trains from the book shelf and looked at this. From speaking to both your mums we found out that you like trains, and you are already showing your interest in the objects with trains at the centre on your first day.
Inside you were quite interested on the beds on the floor and happily lay on a few of them, as if deciding which one is the most comfortable for you to lie in. Again you couldn’t sit for too long during lunchtime and just wanted to explore the indoor environment. This is understandable as everything is still a novelty for you and all you wanted to do this day was explore and engage in the experiences.
By now your day at the centre had ended, with Anmah (note that is me Clare!) picking you up early. It was great to see you so comfortable on your first day and no doubt you will enjoy the rest of your time at the centre. Welcome Al to Little School and to the Blue group!
____________

He is as happy as a lark. Yesterday he was off to play not long after morning tea and today pushed Gaye out the door when they arrived with a 'byyyeee' He is not eating much there year but slept there yesterday for two hours...

Happy bubba, happy mummas

Little School

2010-02-02T12:20:00.001+10:30

Al starts childcare tomorrow. I admit to feeling a level of relief at the flexibility that childcare will bring that having a carer at home doesn’t. We can start and finish when we need to, and if that changes no-one will mind, if the carer is sick we will still have childcare and we will be able to leave the house without being concerned about the environment we are leaving for the child carer to work in.

But at the same time I feel more than a bit nervous. Al has terrible allergies to everyday foods and it takes a lot of attention to remember to wash your hands after wheat and not to have eggs etc. He isn’t speaking much yet and uses a combination of charm and signs to get what he wants and needs. Knowing he was home with someone who cared and was careful has eased my mind a plenty over the last eighteen months.

The centre – which we are calling ‘little school’ - has been so lovely to us and to him. They have come up with excellent plans to manage his allergies and have other children with allergies. It has a lot of green space around it which gives a sense that it is not right in the inner city (although it is).

On his orientation visits Al has seemed to love little school, he is keen to engage with the other kids, dancing and playing blocks. The have a huge sandpit and a cubby house – things he doesn’t get to play with at home. He is thrilled by the mini loos and yesterday sat and ate with his friends. His current carer and his grandmother who have both taken him on visits as well have commented on the friendly staff and Al’s comfort there.

We call it ‘little school’ by-the-way because of Beth Norling’s lovely book Little School I bought this book for Thomas before he started pre-school. It is so gorgeously illustrated and details simply the routine of a day at little school (with lots of different options) and all the action at home before and after. Al loves it , as did his brother.

I am probably a bit marred by the fact that Thomas started childcare just about this age, and despite a lovely environment, just around the corner from our then home (it was the childcare centre in the inner west at the time) – he walked back and forward entreating me to take him to work with us ‘I’ll be good mumma.’ After a few months we gave up and both worked part-time! He was completely fine 18 months later when starting pre-school, but he continues to be more of a homebody.

Al is a completely different sort of boy, highly social happy enough at two to run amuck with 500 primary school students at the Easter Hat Parade and over summer to dance at the camp ground disco in amongst a huge pile of much larger children while we stood by and watched from the sidelines. These are things Thomas never would have done or enjoyed these things at the same age and so hopefully this will also mark the difference in their responses.

Riding along on my push bike honey.....

2010-02-01T08:41:00.000+10:30

One of my resolutions for 2010 was to ride my new bike to work at least three times a week.

Since working at this work I have walked, bussed and driven to work. Mostly I am ashamed to say the last as my day usually involves some sort of family pick up or drop off at school or the station at the beginning or the end of the day.

My work is only a ten-minute ride or a twenty-minute walk from home. This year, Thomas’ new school is a five minute ride/ten minute walk from my office, Al’s little school (which he starts this week) is five minutes ride from there and my office is about ten minutes on the bike from little school. ie: it is all close and doable on the bike.

Plus I really need to build in the exercise into my day to day life (this is the only way exercise works for me) and I fundamentally think it is better for the kids days to start with a bike, walk or bus ride to school.

I was full of plans to ride – and Gaye has made it as easy as possible for me by buying me a new bike as a birthday/Christmas present - I put a new seat on the back for Al as we found the front wee-rider a bit hard to peddle around (short legs!).

Al likes going on the back and we have been out for a few runs together.

I started the working year well riding three times during my first week back, but the following two weeks have been filled with commitments to drive Gaye’s Mum to little school or back with Al for his pre-start visits. (Grandma does not like to drive in Sydney).

Thomas was pretty reluctant, he is not an enthusiastic bike rider at the best of times – plus he has left over fear from a fall a few years ago. Plus he didn’t see any kids ride at new school and he is right at the age where it is very important to FIT IN.

Still we set out this morning, lifting his seat about 4 inches due to growth since he last rode it, and suddenly his big bike didn’t feel so big anymore. He was pretty thrilled. In an attempt to accommodate the “fit in” factor we locked our bikes at my work and then walked from there. Once at school we found the bike rack (what do you know many other kids ride to school) and when I pointed out that he would be able to ride from the main road along the path to school on his own (there is a lollypop man to assist with the only road crossing) while I went a bit further on to Al’s childcare he was sold.

The only downside? I was worried about running late to school and so wore my bike-riding outfit to walk Thomas. Ofcourse I ran into my always stylishly and well-presented friend Elissa, with helmet hair and a sweaty top but not on my bike!

A new year, two new schools, a new blogging start

2010-01-28T08:36:00.003+10:30

It has been awhile since I have blogged. There are lots of half formed blogs in my drafts list to remind me of things I want to write about so it is not because I don't want to blog it is more that last year was busy, especially with work and so I didn't find the time.

But when I read over my old stuff I am reminded of things that I had forgotten about and my boys are growing so fast (don't they always) that I have decided to try and start again just as much so that I remember these times better.

This morning our biggest boy (Thomas) has started school at his new school. We have made a big move - for us - and shifted him in grade 5 to a private school. This is hard for me as I am a fan of public education - but honestly it just wasn't making it with him or us and so after an offer of a place at new school we took it up.

So far I am pretty thrilled with new school. The staff are responsive to email and calls, the information is timely, the vibe is friendly and accepting and they have taken our not so traditional family group completely in their stride.

I have been worried for Thomas that he might be nervous but I have to say he seems pretty fine. In fact he wishes we would all stop asking him if he was nervous.

Grade 5 is big ofcourse and so I was instructed to drop him off at the door - 'don't come in MUM! and don't give me a kiss please!!!'

I think I will spend much more of today thinking of him than he will of me!

when to think 3

2009-03-08T21:20:00.004+10:30

There are about 14 other posts, half written with good thoughts but not complete that fill up the time from then and before then until now. That mark the milestones of Al's and Thomas fabulousness, growth and the laughter that keeps me going. One day i will put them up. One day I will finish my photo albums. Since then and now both Gaye and I have both had promotions,done some house rennovations and spent lots of time sitting on the floor with our youngest making towers from maisy blocks and playing bowls with our oldest on his brand new Wii. Since then and now Thomas has turned 10, started grade 4, finished a season of nippers, grown another foot it seems and learnt how to make a damn good cup of tea. Since then and now Al has learnt to walk backwards, dance holding his own hands in front of him in what we like to call 'bloke' dancing, learnt absolutely no more words, had no more asthma, taught us to all clap our hands and 'ooohhh' at the sight of a fire engine, bus or any other emergency or truck-like thing on wheels, he is now only weeks from turning two. Since then and now Gaye and I have resolved the baby issue, making decisions about the the embryos that are on ice (boarding school as I like to call it) and who goes next. Although we came from very different places we have done this really well I think, without any drama or tension, with open hearts and minds.

And so ... here we go again

Back to work

2009-01-21T08:58:00.002+10:30

I have so much to write about our holidays and Christmas and the new parts of my job and have about 11 drafts on the go - but no time to do it until the weekend. So just to say Happy New Year to you and those you love and looking forward to blogging again soon

Getting Organised

2008-11-20T12:28:00.003+10:30

I am on another sorting out cycle. These come and go with me and things have sat rather still in the last 12 months or so but suddenly I feel able to move on things that have been sitting in the to do pile – perhaps it is turning 40 or that bizarre ritual of getting things done before Christmas. Maybe it is because we are moving office at work and so organisation rules the day. Most likely it is because I have sold the house I shared with my sister after Gaye and I bought this place and so – although not actually in the money yet! – have a sense of having some actual cash to do the things we have needed to do. Whatever it is in the last month between us we have:

Organised for the builders to finish our deck this week (Gaye)
Organised for the new doors to go in this week (Gaye)
Organised Gaye’s brother to come and paint in January while we are away (Gaye)
Booked our holiday (us)
Booked a birthday party (me), made (us) and sent (me) birthday invitations
Organised the dog for the holiday (me)
Sorted out myself into one bank with all of Thomas’ accounts and mine streamlined – previously I had four! (me)
Done my tax (me)
Got ourselves all on one Medicare card (us)
Put my old super into the new (and much more stable!) super of my current employer (me)
Got my work mobile handset fixed and the simcard re done (me)
Got the last lot of work signed off (Gaye) and forms in to Council (me)
Got the dog final registration organised (me)
Done a huge health insurance and Medicare claim (me)
Ordered new lounges and chairs (Gaye)
Ebayed the old chairs and tv cabinet (me)
Ordered new built-ins for the bedrooms, tv cabinet and office cupboard (Gaye)
Sent in all the documentation to GET the documentation so I can go on Al’s birth certificate (me)
Transferred a whole lot of payments and refunds from our credit cards or individual accounts to our joint account (me)
Organised my Dad to get the letter about his illness earlier this year so I can claim on insurance the flights we had to cancel for our delayed holiday (me)
Transferred our photos from my work computer to our new computer (me)
Sorted through our junk draw (me – about once a month) and our bedroom draws
Put the old internal doors up on freecycle.

The thing about all these tasks is they have a flow on effect. They all need you to do step one and two before you can actually get to the task. Most frustrating! So I am feeling very virtuous to have done all these tasks. MOST VIRTUOUS!

I still have lots to do thou!

veggie garden to fix
photo albums to complete
send in documentation once I get it to get Al’s birth certificate changed
sort out the dumping ground that we call the attic
do Gaye's tax
ohh and get organised for Christmas…

shopping experience

2008-11-14T12:41:00.004+10:30

Yesterday I was in town for work and I snuck in some clothes shopping.

I used to work in town and so visited the shops there regularly when (a) I was bored or (b) had time. But now days a trip 'in to town' is a irregular event and usually means a trip to a place with lots of escalators and people, sometimes with a kid in tow and usually by the third floor and the first change room I am over it already.

The other sort of clothes shopping I do falls into two categories the stores along the shopping street which is near where I live. There are lots of nice shops along there and a couple of really nice designers that I like. That shopping is usually done when I am desperate for something and they never seem to have my size or the colour that I like. The third kind of shopping is at the outlet stores for decent quality t-shirts etc. Which Gaye usually does in bulk once a season. Last years become the PJ t-shirts and then the gardening/painting gear and then off to cotton heaven.

Yesterday however I ventured - purposefully - into a designer store in the QVB building in town. On the weekend Gaye and I had seen some of this designers clothes when we had been away on Sunday and really liked the look of them.

It is worth noting at this point that I have struggled - since putting on weight in the last couple of years in particular - lately to 'find my style.' Every now and then I come across something that I like - I have a long wrap vest, a scant, a poncho and some linen things that I really love and so end up with multiple copies of - but it is rare. I like unstructured clothes, with yummy materials, largely in monochrome colours, linen and natural fabrics. I like things that are easy to look after and not to fussy in terms of ironing.

My 40th birthday is coming up - I have declared it the year of the accessory and glamour - and I want something that I feel comfy but also fabulous in to wear for that event. I also want clothes for work and casually that I feel comfy in but also stylish without being overdressed. I am not a heels girl (apart from boots). Really I want to look like Dianne Keaton always does in films...

Anyway, I was feeling particularly unstylish yesterday. I had my period my belly ached and my hair went flat. But something in me said 'do it' and so I did. I went upstairs to the cool quiet of the second floor of QVB and walked purposely into the store.

As soon as I walked in I knew I wouldn't walk out without something - there was the white shirt we had spotted on the weekend but also I felt like I had come to almost 40 and not skinny heaven. It was filled to the brim with clothes and accessories I loved. That were funky and had really clean lines. It was all layers and textures.

And then I met Liza. Liza has been working for the designer since he started up she told. She was so nice to me. And not in the nice sucky pressure way assistants often are. In an interested - lets work out what you want way. She asked me what I liked to wear, what occasion it was. She asked me how much of my body I liked to show and then she showed me some things. She was present without being pushy. She 'styled' me a couple of times - push your sleeves up with this or pop that over there etc. She understood my 'mumsie' complex right away. She told me about the designers desire that women not be having heart attacks when they get dressed in the morning. Sigh ... I had walked into heaven - all be it a rather expensive heaven...and I felt lushed.

I rang Gaye and said "oh my god I am in this shop and the clothes are fabulous but so expensive"(we are meant to be saving mind) "Don't hold back" I was told. I walked out with four beautiful things. Each one I love. Two of them I am wearing today and I feel completely fabulous ... very lush and stylish. All the (in my opinion) well dressed women at work have commented on my clothes... I am just dying to get back there...

five things about Al

2008-11-10T11:32:00.002+10:30

that are especially cute at the moment.

1. He loves trucks, planes and lights and gestures madly with his whole arm in the direction of any that he sees or hears. This is accompanied by a "ooohh" sound and very pursed lips.

2. He walks a bit like a penguin. Arms down by his side legs quite straight head moving about

3. He can climb up the stairs on the slide at the park, turns himself around and pushes backward until he reaches the top of the slide, holds on, grins and lets go. Thrilled with his achievement and the joy of the slide

4. When he had his final jab at the doctor with me last week he didn't cry but gave the dr what we call 'the tragic look.' This look is shared with us any number of times a day and involves his eyes half closed looking through the slits at us a frown and a down turned mouth. Any perceived slight (changing his nappy, holding his arm while he gets the jab, saying 'No' about going in the cupboard) is greeted with this particular look. It is so cute some of us like to bring it on!

5. He can't say NO yet in words, but he waves his arms back and forward in a sweeping motion to indicate it very very well!

A picnic with friends

2008-11-08T20:46:00.004+10:30

Another weekend, another lovely picnic. This time with dear friends who date back to high school in terms of me knowing them. We were celebrating their 10th anniversary of marriage. They brought together many of us who had been at their wedding, these are people I only ever see at get togethers with these friends and so plenty to chat and catch up with. We ate cheese and drank champagne and reflected on the changes that the 10 years had brought. Lovely.

Tomorrow we are driving to meet up with my family to celebrate my Mum's 65th Birthday. Thomas is so excited to see his cousins and I am so looking forward to showing off Al's new found skills and growth with my Dad especially.

oh happy day

2008-11-05T19:39:00.003+10:30

I feel ridiculously uplifted by the election of Obama. Ridiculously hopeful. Suddenly the world seems a more friendly and open place. A place for hope, peace and real potential for change. A real first step away from fear. Silly no doubt to put all this on one man's election...

And (although this is not a driving issue for me) given he has Rudd like policies when it comes to same sex relationships (ie discrimation is not okay but neither is getting married) it is sometimes a bit dulling to think that this is as far to equality we are likely to get.

But still it is hopeful I feel cause lots and lots of people obviously felt the same as me ... time for peace and hope...

celebrating

2008-11-04T19:45:00.004+10:30

This weekend we have been celebrating Halloween with sugar and costumes including a Halloween disco at school and a small Halloween picnic with friends on Saturday night. We had so many lollies in our house that we threw out the ones leftover from last Halloween! (Thomas really is very sensible with sugar food!). The nicest bit was the picnic - hanging out with a few friends in a local park with yummy food. So simple and easy and yet fun.

Thomas got one over me by deciding to be a pirate for both celebrations. Which meant buying a sword and a pistol (plastic ones previously not had in our home) he admitted after that was why he chose said pirate costume - clever boy!

This weekend have been celebrating Gaye's graduation from her Masters. With another - much longer but equally enjoyable picnic with friends in Centennial Park. Cricket was played, yummy food was shared and champagne drunk - clever Gaye!

Never under-estimate

2008-10-21T09:01:00.003+10:30

I should know this by now. I have been "managing" a hormone imbalance brought on by a pituitary tumour for the last 15 years. I say "managing" because I am actually not that good at managing it. I tend to ignore it until it all gets so bad I can't ignore it anymore.

Anyway I finally did something about it -again- and what do you know the world seems a much better place!

Spy Wizard

2008-10-20T16:07:00.003+10:30

Thomas has a problem. He can’t chose on which career to take up. Spy or wizard (or lifeguard or tri-athlete) What I really enjoy about this is he is nine (and the size of a 12 year old) but he is still fully engaged in imaginative play involving him and sometimes-small toys…

The thing is spies have gadgets…

He has been into all things spy for sometime now. He especially enjoys stories about kids who become spies and ‘save the day.’ He has been reading a series of books about a boy called Z@c Power who has joined a spy agency. In the books Zac’s code name is ‘Agent Rock Star’ and the boss is ‘Agent Big Boss’. Z@c’s brother makes the gadgets (a bit like Q in the Bond movies). The most recent series of the books (mega missions!!!) came with Z@c Power gadgets attached to carabinas – a small compass, torch and magnifying glass. Last weekend Thomas and his friend who was over to play packed up these and other spy gadgets and went ‘spying’ writing notes about what they saw and heard. They had a great time.

Anyway, clearly Thomas has been talking all things spy with his Dad too because last night at the dinner table he suddenly turned to me and said ‘hey Mum did you know that my Dad’s dad used to be the boss of the spies?

I said I did know that and that I thought that perhaps his Dad and I had been to his office once. He hammered me with questions ‘were there gadgets in his office?’ ‘how did he become the big boss?’ ’did you see any spies?’ ‘was there a room to make gadgets?’ ‘did he have a code name?’ ‘did he have guards like Mr How@rd?

My lack of knowledge did not impress him all that much (particularly my comment about working hard to become the big boss of something). But in the end he decided that his grandfather would have his gadgets hidden from (the likes of) us anyway, probably in an underground room.

Then again wizards have magic…

When he is not being a spy he is being a wizard. A couple of weeks ago when we were walking his dog he went and sat in a tree in the park (while I actually walked the dog) and he pulled out all of his ‘wizard stuff’ from his ever present small yellow and blue bag which he carries everywhere these days with whatever is important to him of the moment. After he had sat in his tree and played for awhile he and I walked around to the shops to pick up a few items. The conversation went like this “Mum you don’t believe in wizards do you?” “Sure I do honey” "No mum you don’t but that is okay because people who can’t be wizards just don’t know about it. Do you think you would be happy if I were a wizard when I grow up?”

It must be the spring before I turn 40 because

2008-10-17T10:46:00.007+10:30

we are eating our dinner out on the deck most nights - thou we do eat our dinner at a kid friendly time (we have always been a one meal eat all together type family rather than the kids meal followed by the grown-up meal type of family);
my washing line is full of Al's all-in-one short and top thingos instead of little cords & cardigans;
soccer season is over so our Saturday mornings are free of driving around this crazy city at peak weekend time finding remote soccer fields (shhh as I say a small hooray at that, thou I will miss the weekly catch-up with the team and enjoy watching the kids play);
"nippers" season has started (and Thomas was keen to do it again for the first time in a number of years) and so our Sunday mornings now involve a trip to the beach - which is completely gorgeous;
my oregano is 30 cms high, the newly planted basil is about 20 cms high, the tomatoes and the passion fruit are flowering and if half the limes and lemons that are budding come out we will be able to supply all our friends with fresh lemon for their summer g&t's;
we have booked our summer holiday - four whole weeks off work for me and more than two whole weeks for us all up north in a cabin near a beach and a pool and a low-key-but-groovy-enough-to-have-good-coffee small town;
the jacaranda are flowering outside my window at work. A view I will miss ALOT when I move to my new building in two weeks;
Thomas has started swimming lessons again - his face when they told him he had 'finished learn-to-swim' and was 'ready for squad' was priceless and reminded me what a little boy he still is in some ways
we are doing the picnic regularly as a socialising event. In the next few weeks we have a halloween picnic (Thomas) , a masters attainment celebration picnic (for Gaye and our friend Gary who both finished their masters this year) and a 10th wedding anniversary picnic (for two dear friends) planned;
and that last one sort of ties into the next one cause at that wedding I was lovely and pregnant with Thomas and right now I am seriously thinking of having another baby.

First pair of big boy shoes

2008-10-08T16:48:00.003+10:30

I am told that Al was so thrilled at getting his new shoes he hugged the man at DJ's who fitted him followed by walking around the store arms above his head calling 'oohh oohh' until all and sundry commented on his new shoes.

Cousin time

2008-10-02T16:26:00.003+09:30

Thomas is having a lovely school holidays and none of it has anything to do with me. My niece is in town - after taking her first plane flight on her own to get here, and they are having a lovely time together. Beach trips and ferry rides. Later on we will probably go to Luna Park. They have always been good friends these two and really enjoy each other's company.

On Monday when we picked her up from the airport he walked her to the baggage pick up (after standing face pressed against the window as her plane came in) and insisted on carrying her bag to the car for her. So sweet.

Walking Boy

2008-10-02T16:21:00.002+09:30

Al is walking all the time now. He only returns to his hands and knees to go up stairs or down stairs. He still insists on carrying things around in his mouth - we are a bit scared he models more on the dog than the other people - but also walks around the house 'singing' alot of the time.

The books say he should have six words by now. He has none. That is not to say he doesn't know what is going on - he certainly does. Or that he can't get what he wants - he certainly can. He has a raft of signs and grunts to inform and engage. He has started throwing the most wacking tantrums too. Fun times ahead

spring in the garden

2008-09-28T14:52:00.004+09:30

Suddenly I turned around this week and spring has sprung. Even my chili bushes which I thought really and truly I had killed are filled with new life and leaves. Thomas, Al and I spent Sunday morning re-planting and watering and weeding. Most satisfactory. Expect tomatoes, basil, cucumber, strawberries, oh, and chili from our place very very soon.

A few fastories from this week

2008-09-09T18:24:00.005+09:30

Thomas asked us some questions about what is was called when you said a prayer around the table before dinner. He told a story being with his Dad at the snow and doing that. (Clearly not a feature of our home!) Gaye and I launched into an explanation of 'grace' both able to fall back into our childhoods and chant grace at a moments notice. He kept telling us they weren't 'quite the right words' so we tried out a few we knew. Thomas' Dad is not a religious person and I know the people he was staying with very well and so I was a bit surprised to hear they were saying grace. Half way through the conversation I realised he was talking about the people he stayed with on the way to the snow who are also very good friends of my sister. This seemed even more unexpected. I questioned him about it 'are you sure?' at Kat and Matts? Yep he was sure. (Kat and Matt are pretty crunchy and live a very green-friendly existence he had already had my sister and I in stitches telling us that he realised he was very very 'ritch' after being at their home which is not heated very much and generally set up with lots of pre-loved stuff). After two days I was talking to my sister and mentioned the grace story. She almost wet herself laughing. Turns out they hold hands and thank mother earth for the provision of food...

Gaye and Al have been up in QLD for the week looking after a very good friend who is going through chemo. She sent me some flowers this week and they came with chocolates and a candle. On arriving home to the most lovely bunch of flowers on our doorstep Thomas exclaimed 'Look Mumma these chocolates must be for me Gaye wouldn't send you are present without sending me one"

Thomas spent father's day with his Dad which left me alone for the weekend. I decided to spend it with my best friends in Melbourne so for about 24 hours my family was spread across three states. I spent the weekend eating and drinking and laughing in the way one only can when you are with your best friends. They only moved there at the beginning of the year and I miss them all the time.

Sabotage and Subterfuge

2008-08-29T14:19:00.001+09:30

One of the best things about working at the University is every now and then I get to pretend that I am the person I was when I was a student. Ie: A person with a lot of time. I have just spent the last 40 minutes listening to Obama speak about his hopes for his nation. I thought what he had to say was mostly fine and very American. But mostly I enjoyed the fact that I could stand in the University bar, have some lunch and watch the live CNN cross and um, call it work.

What made it feel all the more like subterfuge was that it is a gloriously sunny day and on these days I try my best to spend my lunch hour walking around campus to get a break away from the computer and stretch my legs a bit. On rainy days I head to one of the museums or art galleries we have on campus. I am trying hard to get a bit fitter (and smaller) by the time I turn 40 at the end of the year. (In fact I have said I will only celebrate my 40th if I am two sizes smaller!). So really it was sabotage as Thomas and I rode to school this morning (and right now Gaye and Al are biking over to pick him) and I have just undone that by eating a hamburger and watching Obama.

four for fathers

2008-08-29T11:12:00.004+09:30

This week I bought four – that is right four - Father’s Day cards.

I wonder if I am the only member of a two-mother household holding up the father’s day card economy in this way. I mean we would be expected to be awash with mother’s day cards…but father’s day?

In this life of mine as a two-mother household I have moments where I feel particularly not straight and part of the general population and most of the time where I fit right in. I couldn’t work out exactly what this moment was. When I bought the cards the woman at the checkout said ‘gosh how many Dad’s do you have?’ I didn't even know how to answer.

Oh, okay I will tell you who they are for; I know you are dying to know:

One is for Thomas’ Dad from Thomas
One is for Thomas’ Dad from me (we always write a note thanking each other for fabulous parenting of young Thomas and wishing each other the best for the day. He usually brings me flowers too. I get him a gift. This year I am having the videos of Thomas growing up put on DVD for him. Rather nicely I think, although he is not Al’s Dad, he has addressed his card/flowers to both Gaye and I since his arrival)
One is for my Dad – which is usually written these days by Thomas and acknowledges his roles as 'Dad' and 'Papa'.
One is for Gaye’s Dad also to be written by Thomas this year acknowledging his roles as 'Dad' and 'Grandad' (and 'step-Grandad' for that matter). Gaye says he is going to drop over with shock as she hasn’t done this for many years but since Al’s donor is not around for cards and presents we thought it would be a good habit to start now for those school years ahead where gifts and cards will be made by small chubby hands in the week leading up to Father's Day. Al can make his for Grandad or Papa as he chooses.

And yes I did by individual ones and resisted the temptation to buy four the same...I have standards.

First word

2008-08-20T16:15:00.004+09:30

Al spoke his first word today - ball. He did it twice in a row. (he is pretty obsessed with balls).

When my Dad rang today I told him. He reminded me that Thomas' first word was shoes (shhezz). Mainly I think because putting on ones shhoozz was something we did(do) before we went outside somewhere. I didn't have a blog then just a journal ...

Al also has developed this half closed eyes, scrunched up nose look to indicate he is not happy with some minor infraction. It is gorgeous!

Thomas and Al

2008-08-20T14:51:00.000+09:30

One day last week Al slept until 8:40 in the morning. By 8:40 the rest of us were up and he only likes to have his boob lying down these days. So Gaye didn’t bother. He got to the end of the day and so did she (she gave up night feed about two months ago) without a lunch time snack or an afternoon lie down with some boob.

He has not shown any interest again since. And so it seems he is weened.

Yesterday Gaye ate wheat, we have a plan to go out and eat eggs together and read the weekend papers from cover to cover.

Breakfast out on a Saturday or Sunday morning was a big tradition in our week before Al. Gaye and I read the papers, Thomas talked and read kids magazines or the comics from the paper on a Sunday. Since Al it has become more difficult – especially since his allergies make it no fun for him and that we have to organise his breakfast anyway so may as well do it at home.

Thomas came back from the snow with lovely gifts – bought with his own money – for Al. And a gorgeous photo of him flying down a slope for us. He came full of stories and bruises and looked relaxed and happy. He spent Sunday in bed or on the couch watching ‘lympics.

He is full of questions I can’t answer – like how the bike races work for example. He went back to school for a whole day yesterday only to spend last night vomiting and is now at home on the couch.

Update on us

2008-08-14T10:13:00.004+09:30

Thomas is at the snow for his now annual dose of skiing. He has two more days of skiing to go. Last night when we were talking on the phone he told me ‘it was the most wonderful day of all our days so far. There is lots of snow and the sun was shinning. It was beautiful. The coffee man (person at the coffee shop where they buy lunch each day) was jealous of us.' He has moved up to using stocks and is pretty pleased with himself. It has been impressed upon him that skiing is a real treat and an expensive holiday and so he is also very impressed with the fact that the 'teachers in the milo club' (instructors) get 'free lift tickets, free boots and skis.' He thinks it might make a good job. (hmmm) I added "in the University holidays!"

Al has been ‘walking’ in between us while we sit on different chairs for a few weeks now. I think his record would have been around 6 – 8 steps. Yesterday the babysitter said he walked between her and and the kitchen draws and took 15 steps in a row. He still doesn’t use it as a form of getting from point A – B thou, it is more like a game. His ‘vocab’ is increasing he is using lots of new sounds this week and has started to babble at us in what seem like sentences but no actual words yet. He certainly is able to communicate with us effectively with signs and grunts to get all he wants thou!

Most endearingly he has started to throw the odd tantrum. Currently this involves laying himself or his head down very carefully on the floor or the highchair table and sometimes builds up to a bit of a cry. Mainly thou it is a scrunched up face that I really hope we catch on camera at some point.

I spent last Saturday painting my house that my sister is living in and that we own together. It goes on the market next weekend. Gaye and I are busily planning how we are going to improve our place with the funds that come out of it. Mainly we will be reducing our debt levels so that we can save for things!

Gaye’s work is a bit quiet which was a blessing as her parents came into town for a few days. Al was appropriately (and thankfully) social with them and they enjoyed a trip on the harbour. Gaye and I spend as much time de-briefing about family visits as the actual visit. But I thought this was a pretty good one.

I went to some career coaching last night as I am still feeling pretty lost about where and what I should do next and this job – thou much improved – really doesn’t make my brain engage often enough. The career coach has suggested the area of ‘corporate social responsibility’ which I think sounds like a possibility…

Lightning and Al

2008-08-05T16:21:00.006+09:30

Al and Lightning are the very best of friends.

We think that this is partly because they are about the same developmental age. They both like to post things, they both like to chew things.

I am not really a pet person. But it has to be said that Al and Lightning are very cute together.

Al likes to throw things for Lightning.
Lightning likes to bring them back.
They both like to do this over and over and over and over.

Lightning is at just the right height for a small boy to hold on to as he walks.
Al is at just the right height to be jumped over.

They both like to throw themselves onto the cushions in the lounge and think it is fun to roll off and do it again.

Lightning likes to bark at people walking past.
Al likes to go to the door to see what he is barking at.

When Al gets in trouble he sometimes throws himself on Lightning who puts a paw on him as if for comfort.

When Al crawls off down the hall if Lightning thinks he has got to far from us he will 'round him up.'

Lightning is very gentle with Al and we are trying to teach Al to be gentle with Lightning.

run fun

2008-08-05T11:31:00.004+09:30

This week was the fun run at school. Thomas has been most interested in the raising of money and - a bit hilariously - entered into serious training... the night before.

The kids were encouraged to dress up in 'teams' there were angels, superheroes, kids in P.Js and one group of Greek goddesses (truly).

Thomas' team decided to dress up as famous Australian sports people and after his initial interest in being 'Cathy Freeman in that running suit' was nipped in the bud by this non-sewing skilled mother he decided to be Patrick Johnson. We spent sometime on Patrick's website and he made up his t-shirt with '@sics' as his sponsors and 'the Fr@d Hollows Found@tion' written on the sleeve (Patrick is a patron it seems).

He was pretty pleased with himself. Thou he did think that perhaps we should paint his face black (a little too un-P.C for the inner west of Sydney!)

Even more impressive was his running effort. Each lap was 500 mtrs and the children (grade 3 - 6) were encouraged to run 20 laps. Thomas finished his 20 with time to spare so he ran another 9 laps. Yup 9 years old and almost 15kms. He went on that afternoon to play soccer in the school team and the next morning in his outside school team.

He has raised over $120.00 for his school.

Celebrations

2008-07-31T11:19:00.004+09:30

We have been celebrating:

It was Gaye’s birthday on Friday, and unlike the huge todo we had for her 40th last year, this year involved the presenting of a present that she picked (much to Thomas’ horror) and an afternoon tea with just the four of us after school.

That night thou my sister came and babysat and Gaye and I went out to dinner at a local place and chatted (mainly about the boys of course) which is something we haven’t done in an age. Afterwards we wandered to our favourite local bookshop and bought a book each to read. Gorgeous.

On Saturday Gaye, Al and I (Thomas was playing soccer) headed off to Burrawang to celebrate a friend of Gaye’s 40th birthday. It was a fairly low key event and there were a multitude of kids under 5 there. It was pleasant and I always find it good to get out of Sydney for a bit.

This is a very good friend of Gaye’s who she has known since she was in her early 20s. I always find it slightly amusing that although they are very very nice to me this set of friends treat me like the ‘new girl’ even more than six years in. The ‘old girl’ (or perhaps in their minds the real girl?) was also there as her friendship with them also dates back decades (Gaye and she met each other through this friend). She is a nice woman and I always enjoy having a chat to her. But I also feel like we are both being watched very closely.

The last week has seen a real improvement in Dad. A real reason to celebrate. His infection seems to be clearing and his state of mind (perhaps the most reassuring) seems so much more positive and forward thinking. He and Mum have decided that it is not worth the improvement in the odds (about 4%) to undertake the torrid path that is chemo. So we are just doing the wishing and praying and hoping thing for the next … oh …five years or so that nothing turns up in the regular checks.

Today there is another celebration as Gaye has officially completed her Masters. Should she be the sort of person to go to the ceremony today would be the day. She isn’t doing that. But even so it feels significant today. Particularly as she managed to complete the thing with a ‘D’ average including HDs for her last subjects. Pretty bloody impressive while working, building a business and raising two boys me thinks!

Update on Dad

2008-07-27T18:37:00.006+09:30

I have been trying to get up the nerve to write about my Dad. But the very act of writing makes it more real and so I avoid - even thou I often feel much better for writing about things in my life.

I spent the end of last week with him. I can't tell you how hard is was to leave him drive back to Sydney, I had a little weep between Goulburn and Mittagong!

He is okay, but it was such a shock to see him - he has lost 11 kilos and he wasn't large to start with. Frail. Gaunt. Are the words that come to mind. And old.

My Dad is only 65, and my hope is that this will be an illness he gets past and over. I was a bit inspired (as his he) by our long term neighbour and friend who is now 5 years clear of bowel cancer. This is my plan for Dad too!

But right now - it is hard to see him in pain, worn out and without his usual umph.

Energy

2008-07-27T18:37:00.005+09:30

And so we begin again another term and this term another teacher (and a new haircut, new school shoes, new lunch box and more pencils). Thomas has had such a lot of change this year, but he was originally thrilled at the thought of having a male teacher…nine days in he is not so sure as he is finding him very strict (strickt). And so, we are talking regularly about how nice his previous teacher (who he complained about regularly!) really was after all.

Starting the term and the daily during the week challenges of balancing getting to and from school and work, doing homework and sport and music practice has been made considerably easier because shhhh (don’t anyone say a word) Al is sleeping. All night. Regularly.

This meant that we have all had so much more energy and general goodwill in our home. I have even joined (in fact pretty much offered to run) the brand new band committee at school.

Our new found energy is best demonstrated by the fact on that on the weekend we headed out on the weekend for our twice annual trip to Ike@.

It always starts like this …

Me: we have no tea towels have to remember to buy some next time we go to Ike@.
Her: must remember that broken lamp in our room to and replace it next time we go
Me: and didn’t we want to get some more of those covers for the cushions?
Her: Hmmm we will have to go soon

This conversation is repeated occasionally building to often until we have a list of things (wrapping paper and ribbon, tea towels, tea light candles, hand towels for the bathroom and other things that for some reason we break regularly – like bedside lamps) that we tend to buy in bulk from Ike@.

We always get there somehow like this …

Eventually there is a tip over conversation.

This weekend’s was like this:

Me: We really should get Al a small set of chair and tables that we can have him sit on so he can be doing his drawing and eat snacks there.
Her: Yeah I think that is a good idea, but I didn’t really like those ones we saw (at the local furniture place)
Me: Me neither. I think the ones from Ike@ are so easy to look after. We don’t want to feel fussed about what happens to it.
Big him: Don’t forget you promised we could get a rug for my room, they have nice ones at Ike@ don’t they?
Me (in an aside to her) Gawd I think we promised that 2 years ago
Her: (grimace) You could be right
Me (in a louder voice): Shall we go in the morning?

When we get there it is always like this:

Me: (as we drive into the car park) Gawd we aren’t the only ones here are we
Her: No what were we thinking on a Sunday morning
Me: I think I had this idea of whipping in and out
Her: That isn’t an idea it is a fantasy. A fantasy. We really need to check in with each other about these things before we actually head out in the car.

Followed by:

Walking around the long winding pathway, dizzy with the options and quantity of people and stuff that is Ike@
Big him: Hey Mum can I take Al down the slide?
Me: Did you bring the list?
Her: (grinning) Nup
Me: (grinning) me neither

And:

Her: Is all of Sydney here?
Me: Pretty much
Big him: I can’t decide between the orange or the red or the cream one with long bits (shag)
Me: Poor carpet deprived child needs shag

It always ends like this:

Me: God I have to get out of here I will never get those lost hours of wandering in the wilderness that is Ike@ back in my life
Her: Nup they are gone, vanished
Big him: Oh no we forgot X Y and Z, shall we go back?
Me and Her: I need 12 months to recover first darling
Big him: Jinx

Then we get home, we put the things we have bought away or put things in the things we have bought. We look at Al on his little stool and chairs and think ‘how cute’ we pull out non-stained non-falling apart tea towels from the draw. It fades...We forget. And then it starts again….

Taking up the challenge

2008-07-16T10:10:00.004+09:30

I am taking up Lois' challenge... nice thing to do really sit around and think about what I like about Gaye...

Where did you meet? We met at work and we were both going through separations from long time partners and we bonded over that. I remember her as the first person that seemed like one of my friends – everyone else seemed so straight and old. She was much more senior than me and I was so impressed that she had worked her way up the ladder to that point at her age.
How long did you date? Hmmm that is complicated really we were a bit on and off at first – what is dating exactly? Is it before you say ‘in a relationship’ or before you move in? We were in a relationship about three years before we moved in together.
How old is she? Gaye is 40 thou she doesn’t look it. People are forever asking me how much older I am than her…and I am 18 months younger.
Who eats more? She does but she is also much thinner.
Who said, “I love you” first? I imagine it was me. I am much more emotionally forthcoming and I was much more sure of my feelings earlier than she was. To me the feelings part of it was straightforward. I don’t remember when I told her but I clearly remember when she told me. We were camping.
Who is taller? I am much, but most people wouldn’t notice as Gaye almost always wears heels. The first time we kissed when she had her shoes off I stopped and said ‘wow you are much shorter than me huh!’
Who sings better? Me – Gaye is enthusiastic but not all that tuneful. Apparently one of her earlier partners used to ask her – very gently and nicely – not to sing for a bit from time to time. She sings to Al all day and night and he loves it. I hope to hear her singing all my life.
Who is smarter? She is – she used to argue the point I was ‘cause I had a Masters and she didn’t. But now she has one of those (with a D average at that) and the truth of it is she has all the sorts of smarts – traditional academic smarts, good ideas, common sense, ability to see the big and small picture, keeping things on track and is very intuitive with people.
Whose temper is worse? Mine is a more regular visitor to our lives. I am more likely to get grumpy or impatient and tend to be loud about it. But is short lived. Gaye’s bad moods come much less often but they have incredible staying power. She is quiet and controlled with her temper. Much more scary than me!
Who does the laundry? We have so much washing it is hard to tell. But most weeks mainly me with plenty of input from Gaye.
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?At home Gaye – but that is because I sleep near the door
Who pays the bills?Gaye – she has been sorting out our finances since we lived together. We sometimes talk about swapping.
Who cooks dinner?Gaye mainly, thou I do it too but increasingly less often. She can whip up dinner in a moment. We share when we are having visitors.
Who drives when you are together? Gaye usually, but sometimes me. She will always do most on long haul trips.
Who is more stubborn?Hmmm – depends on the issue. I have a couple of issues around Thomas that I am completely unmoving on. Gaye has more staying power than me on everything else thou.
Who kissed whom first? She kissed me. I am such a sop it still makes me feel a bit swoony when I think of it. She said ‘I don’t think I can let you go home without kissing you’ and then she did.
Who is the first to admit to being wrong?That would be me – but I am most usually in the wrong!
Whose parents do you see the most?Mine – they live closer but we usually see hers for longer stretches of time.
Who proposed?Can’t be getting married in this country so no proposals for us. We have discussed if we would get married if we could and that has been initiated by both of us at different times.
What’s her best physical attribute? See I could say her eyes – they are blue and sparkly and warm but actually I think it is the way she carries herself. One story demonstrates this well I think.

Gaye is a bit of flirt and a chatter-up of people (this is like all people the bloke at the grocery store, the newspaper seller). She also ‘notices’ people – well women. I am a bit hopeless in relationships and only really ‘see’ my partner in that ‘woo hoo she is a bit of hottie’ sort of way. In the early days of our relationship I would tease her about the flirting and she would point women out to me who she thought were spunky.
Anyway when we were living in different cities she was in town for work for a week or so and staying with me. We left for the day both dressed in suits and went to our different meetings in different parts of town. Her finishing time was unclear so we agreed to meet up at home and go out for dinner locally. I decided to leave work early and was in town walking to the station. As I walked along a woman in jeans, a white shirt, heels and a leather jacket walked across the road in the other direction (back towards my work place) in front of me about 4 blocks away. And I thought – hmm she is a bit of spunk! (I then felt completely mortified because I had never had that feeling before and I wondered if it meant something).
Course it turned out to be Gaye, changed and come back into town to meet me as a surprise. She was to far away to really see and I wasn't expecting her so I think it is just the way she carries herself. I often notice it when she is walking towards me from somewhere or standing at the kitchen bench. It is just yummy...
Who has more friends?Gaye – she has a lot of friends and they are all over the country. Se forms really solid friendships with people that she is careful and respectful of.
What are you most proud of her for?Lots of things she lives her life with integrity, she is kind and just. She is an amazing mother and showed real resilience around following the realisation of that dream. But most proud? Probably the way she has taken and accepted Thomas into her life and her heart.
Who has more siblings? Me I have two she has one.
Who wears the pants in the family?Hmm – generally I wear the actual trousers; Gaye likes a frock (over the pants of late with her boots) or a skirt and heels. But in the other sense – Gaye I think, she is definitely the leader, inspirer and decision forcer! Without her strength of conviction I would still be avoiding change and deliberating.

Feel free to take up the challenge yourself...let me know if you do

See it is funny now but then I was just shocked

2008-07-15T16:29:00.003+09:30

Thought I would share my end of term conversation with a woman from school. It seems a bit funny now - in fact it was my story of choice with the g&l friendly crowd I was out with on Saturday night and we all laughed about it. I even rang in and told it on the forum (when they discuss modern good manners) on 702 when a same sex parenting issue came up. But at the time I was, well, gob smacked.

I am used to people asking me how we got Al and/or who had him. And although at first I was a bit shocked by people's brazen-ness just walking up and asking - I have stopped saying 'same as you egg and sperm' or 'picked him up in woolies' and just started saying in as matter-of-fact tone that I can muster 'our beautiful boy was made with the help of IVF, Gaye carried him or (for kids) he grew in Gaye's tummy' sometimes I add 'he has a donor he can trace if he wants to when he is older' and sometimes I say 'she tried for such a long time to have him, he is a bit of a miracle' because I have decided that is what I want Al to hear about his conception and I want it to be matter-of-fact in his life. Not something curious, to be hidden or whatever.

Anyway...this day this woman let's call her MM (mother of boy- same age as Thomas- separated from his Dad) who has known me - through school pick ups for the past three years or so comes running up to me in the school yard one day. Apparently she ran into Gaye walking Thomas to school with Al the day before and so the next day when I am picking Thomas up with Al in my arms she comes running up to me and says 'so is this your little donor baby?' Can I just repeat that I was HOLDING the baby. He was in my arms in hearing of being called a 'donor baby'

I was speechless and I think my face must have dropped about ten kms. I certainly took two steps backwards and muttered something like 'erm this is my baby Al' she followed me reaching out for the baby saying 'oh yes of course he is yours too, don't get me wrong I have no problem with it I even thought of it for myself' (again how strange is it that people who hardly know you want to tell you that they are okay with your decision to have a child this way) I kept walking backward pulling Al close into me and said something like 'really' in, I imagine, a rather cold tone. She kept on 'I think it is amazing I have no problem with it' but my expression must have completely put her off and she quickly moved away when I made some excuse about needing to find Thomas' teacher. She has avoided me ever since - probably decided that I am rather oversensitive.

Afterwards I so wished I had said 'and how is your intercourse baby going anyway?' Anybody got any other good comebacks?

Saturday Night

2008-07-15T11:00:00.003+09:30

On Saturday night we went to the 40th birthday party of one of my oldest (as in longest known!) friends. I have celebrated his 18th, 21st, 30th, wedding and now his 40th with him. He and his lovely wife have seen me through my hardest and best times as well as just all the normal stuff. He is a good man and I am proud to call him my friend.

Soy was keen on a party that was reminiscent of our youth and had beer, fried food and friends and didn’t involve the kids that we all have now. It was kind of like that but rather more sophisticated, as the beer was boutique, organic and preservative free and the bar snacks were multi-national and weren’t served with tomato sauce.

It was the first time in a little while Gaye and I had been out together without the kids and we caught the bus into town in a way that reminded me of my young days out with Soy. Aunty Lou was our babysitter for the night and had a fabulous time with the boys - so much so she rang the next day to book us in for another time.

Despite of his wish to be kid free for the night the impact of our kid status and age was very present as (a) everyone arrived right on time and (b) most of us left by 11:30 to get home (for the babysitters).

I haven’t drunk beer since my last trip to Darwin about three years ago and the three beers I drank haunted me the next day. Gaye and I spent most of Sunday trying to convince the boys that quiet games would be good right now, removing ourselves off the couch and away from the newspaper only for a bike ride and a dog walk on what was a beautiful sunny day.

Questioning

2008-07-09T15:02:00.003+09:30

Of late I have been doing quite a bit of questioning of myself. What am I good at? What do I like to do? What do I want to do? And how would I do it?

Largely these are questions about my career and work. I have been working in human services work for more than 20 years now, and part of me feels very over it. And I feel more than a bit lost about what my next step will or could be.

Two women friends of mine have, in the past few years, completely re-invented themselves in terms of career and even work/life balance (I could go into my feelings about that term but will just use the shorthand for, well, short). These women have impressed and inspired me giving up careers that could only be described as “successful” by most markers, but for them were ultimately not all that satisfying. One has followed a life-long dream to study art – and done bloody well at it too. One has joined her husband in journalism and turned his consultancy into the ‘the family business’ and is doing very well at that as well. Other friends have continued to move up the ladder in their chosen careers or undertaken more study and Gaye shifted focus a few years ago away from service provision to a more influencing position and started up her own consultancy.

For a while now I have felt a bit bored by my work and rather stifled (which is more my boss than anything). I have realised that I can do all this without really engaging my brain. I applied for jobs and done well enough (eli lists and even got one). I considered going out on my own and I thought about joining Gaye’s business.

But none of those things really appeal to me.

Late last year a wiser and more experienced person suggested I write in a journal everyday about what I like to do, what I am good at and how I would like to change the world and see what fell out of it. (I like to write and run workshops on things, I am a good planner and I enjoy that and I am organised and I would like the world to be more socially and environmentally just- hmmm helpful)

My friend who is now an artist suggested I think back to the things I loved when I was younger and make a list of those and see if that led me anywhere (history, cooking and photography FYI).

I am suddenly aware that I really like to do things that actually aren’t that much use when it comes to having a new career. It is not that I don’t have skills. I know I do. I have worked my way to a reasonably senior position. I am trustworthy and competent. I don’t mind implementing change, I write reports, evaluations and plans very well (so I am told). But what I like to do (and get to do) is read books, talk to people, potter around my home, bake and cook. What I like to do (and don't get to do enough of) is sing, play my piano, spend time with friends, go to the movies, make photo albums and garden. And although I don't want to do this sort of work anymore I know I need to do work that is about people and making the world better...

I think that part of the problem is that I never really looked past what I would do once I got to this point (actually a couple of points ago!) cause by then I planned (assumed I would be) to be a parent and a mother of like four kids. I thought that would be taking up my time and energy. But as it turns out my big boy is away at least two nights a week and my little boy has a fabulous and capable mother at home already.

So that leaves me with unthought of capacity to do other things I am just not sure what to do…and no idea of how to even find them…

Growing and going

2008-07-07T10:09:00.002+09:30

This weekend we moved the boys rooms around (again!). When we first moved in Thomas was given the choice of either of the two children’s bedrooms he chose the one at the end of the house. Originally we had hoped to renovate the house in such a way that we would end up in this room but the Council wouldn’t let us expand it so it became a choice for one of the boys. In my opinion it is the nicest room in the house, sunny and light. Al once he arrived slept in with us.

When Al moved out of our room at about eight months into the bedroom next to ours Thomas was very keen ‘brothers sleep together Mum!’ to sleep in with him so there was a bed shift about and the sunny light room became a study/spare-room/playroom in theory. In actuality it became the place we stored washing and cleaned up before we had guests.

Thomas really liked sleeping with Al (and I think sleeping at the same end of the house as us, this is Sydney so the other end is only about 10 mtrs away but still this is much further than he has slept away from us in his life) but it meant that Gaye (and I but not as often) was jumping out of bed on school nights to resettle Al as quickly as possible so as not to disturb Thomas. Thomas is a heavy sleeper, but when he did wake up he would migrate into our (thank goodness) king size bed, while Gaye or I tried to settle the baby. So then once the baby was resettled there were three in the bed…

Not really sustainable…but both of us really loved that they loved being in together and so we put it off, until last Thursday night when it all became too much for us and we moved Al’s cot into the sunny light room.

So this weekend was spent turning the boys rooms into ‘tween’ and ‘baby’ places.

Thomas’ room has lava lamps, a couch that turns into a bed for sleepovers and makes a great place to read and play, a desk for drawing and there is a request in for a rug…

Al’s room has trains and mobiles and is a completely toddler friendly place that he can play safely in a couch for stories and a lovely window view for those day time moments in the cot.

And although I can’t report that it has had much impact on Al’s sleeping we both feel pretty happy about the rooms as do the boys (well Al shows no ill effects and Thomas has expressed pleasure).

And in my ongoing recording of language development here are some of the funnier things Thomas said this weekend…

“Woo hoo it is Battle of the Chores (Choirs) tonight”

“Gaye if you were as fat as someone on the biggest loser would you choose to get fit or just die?”

“Mum if you could rub this hardly (opposite of softly) I am sure I could get the pen off”

Ups and Downs

2008-07-03T14:01:00.001+09:30

Gaye just rang and said that Al took his first two steps. How gorgeous is that…how sad am I to be sitting behind a desk rather than at home watching that. It is especially good since he has had a dose of a tummy bug after his asthma scare which found us back in hospital and him about half a kilo lighter. He took two steps and then took a face plant, so was sobbing in the background when she rang.

I did leave work for lunch today to go and watch Thomas in the Althletics Carnival for half an hour. I saw the long jump. He did pretty well, thou I don’t think we will see ourselves at the Olympic stadium watching him anytime soon. It is the last day of term for him today which is probably a good think as he is clearly exhausted. He got into a scrape at school yesterday and was punched in the nose. He didn’t respond in the same vein – thank goodness – but sigh, this part of parenting is hard work.

The C word

2008-07-03T13:54:00.000+09:30

Well Dad has cancer. It is a Duke’s B so not the worst kind but still it is cancer with a 60% chance of survival. He is doing pretty well at the moment considering – one week after very serious surgery his wound is infected so he is still in hospital – but is off the serious drugs and able to walk around and get out of bed.

I am going to Canberra next week to spend time with him once he gets home. Mum will need help then.

Papa

2008-06-25T13:29:00.003+09:30

Sick and churning is how I feel…My lovely Dad and my boys Papa has just gone in for 5 hours plus of surgery as they have found a tumour in his bowel. Dad is a pretty emotional man and there has been more than one tear shed and shared this morning and in the last few days at the thought of him going under the knife. Dad has always been convinced that he wouldn’t live past 62 – the age both his father and grandfather died. He turned 65 last week, and my sense is he thinks he had more of a run than he expected.

There is no need – at this stage - not to be hopeful we won’t know if it is cancer until after the operation, but the other tests have come out well and so I am pretty confident. But it is major surgery and his recovery will be slow. He is expected to have at least 10 days in hospital, and at least 3 of those in intensive care. He has been calm and brave at the thought of his recovery and potential ongoing treatment.

I am so lucky to have a really good and straightforward relationship with my Dad. It wasn’t always this way. But we really sorted through any odd and leftover childhood dynamics and drama in my mid 20s. And now our relationship is strong and mutually supportive. I really enjoy hanging out and spending time with my Dad and he has stayed with us regularly. I really love my Dad and he is a real and positive presence in my life and my boys lives.

I am thinking of my Dad right now …

All the way to the dog park

2008-06-25T13:27:00.006+09:30

We took a lovely long ride with Thomas, Al and Thunder - the dog - today. We rode from our place to Cafe Bones about 8kms return we think. This was a big effort as Thomas has been pretty scared of bike rides since he broke his arm the second time and Al hasn't gone on the wee rider for anything longer than short trips.

It sort of went like this, Thomas in the front taking his role of road and car checker V seriously, discussing issues of the world as he rode along. Next came Gaye with Al in the wee rider trying to answer major life questions while not riding to close because one can never tell when there will be a quick and unannounced stop from our leader. Finally me with Thunder galloping along side me - occasionally him going one way around a pole and me going the other until he learnt that meant his lead got a big pull. The sun was shining

We arrived triumphant at the park and the dogs and boys played. Then we turned around and rode home again.

Alfred and I

2008-06-18T15:55:00.002+09:30

Are at home together this afternoon. We are both feeling pretty rotten. He is sick and I have had no sleep. I have a complaining baby on my hip and I feel pretty much the same. I could just cry -infact I already have today.

I have chicken stock on the stove for some warming and heartening chicken risotto -yum- tonight.

Thomas went off to school camp today for the first time in his whole life I won't see/speak to him for a whole day. He will be back on Friday afternoon - no doubt full of camp fun and with a bag full of wet and filthy clothes. I am hoping he has a completely fabulous time.

I was a bit worried he might wet the bed - not something he has done for ages, but he has been known to in times of stress - so I carefully packed two sleeping bags. One at the bottom of his bag so noone need ever know. With instructions just to shove the other back in the bag if there was a problem and we would sort out it when he got home and not to worry about it.

Two minutes into our arrival at school he had announced to all and sundry that he had two sleeping bags!

sunshine and rain

2008-06-13T12:19:00.000+09:30

How good was it to pull out the scooter this morning and walk (me) and scoot (him) to work and school. Especially good after these last two weeks of rain – which have left my garden green and over grown, my tanks full and my drier in need of a bex and a good lie down.

I really love our walks to school. Thomas just does not stop talking. Today’s topics were ‘school camp’ sleeping arrangements – as in will his new friend Jimmy and he who chose each other to be their bunk mates actually end up being bunk mates. Thomas is concerned because Alex who has been Jimmy’s friend for sometime has been away the last six weeks or so and Thomas and Jimmy have found each other in the breach. Alex – who Thomas does get on with too – is due back next week, so I think Thomas is feeling a bit nervous he might get cast out.

We have met up with Jimmy’s mum and she seems very nice. His Dad just lives around the corner. Alex parents seem nice as well. These are friendships I am happy to encourage so I am hoping we will find that the three will be mates together…

The other topic of conversations was to do with Pok@mon a topic that Thomas can wax lyrical about for hours and days at a time about. Regardless of my ability – or rather lack of it – to contribute.

I always arrive at my desk and computer based job feeling much better for a walk to school and work. Albeit with a scooter and helmet in toe (sometimes I do jump on it).

The weekend ahead is full of family. We are celebrating my Dad’s 65th this weekend. Not usually a massive date I know – but his 60th and that of my Mum was overshadowed by the fires and rebuilding. This birthday is sure to be a bit emotional too, as Dad (my lovely Dad) has just found out he has a tumour in his bowel which needs operating on. His biopsy was clear but the doctor did not like the look of it so ofcourse we are all a bit worried. Thou I remain hopeful that will all be okay.

My email to Penny Sharpe

2008-06-06T13:51:00.006+09:30

Dear Penny,

I have just had a chance to read your speech to House on the Miscellaneous Acts Amendment (Same Sex Relationships) Bill 2008 and wanted to pass on my thanks for all of your good work in this area. It is such a positive step forward for recognition of all types of families.

In some ways of course it won’t change anything in our lives - like your daughter, Thomas and Al are already really clear about our roles and connections to each other which have nothing to do with laws or biology. But in others of course it makes all the difference to us - in the day to day interactions we have with the wider world and the public and formal recognition of our family. Personally - confident as I have felt about my love and responsibility for Al I have been surprised in someways about how emotional I have felt at knowing that our relationship and that of Thomas’ with Gaye (and for that matter the boys to each other) will be formally and more broadly acknowledged.

Best wishes to you and your family...

I sent similar ones to my local member and federal member and the Premier.

Miscellaneous Acts Amendment (Same Sex Relationships) Bill 2008

And over this too

2008-05-30T09:18:00.001+09:30

It all came together for me earlier this week when my boss told me I had put the commas in some figures wrong (again) that my ongoing headaches might actually not be to do only with the other health issue but to do with my eyesight.

So I took myself off to the optometrist and what do you know I need glasses for reading and computer work. Gaye assures me that this is a fabulous thing, as she loves the look of glasses. But I am feeling…well, old.

Not helped by the fact that the bloke who tested my eyes referred a number of times to my age. As in ‘when women get to your age’ and ‘women of your age group’ and ‘once you get to a certain age.’ I turn 40 this year! Humph!

I feel much older today. In fact I have felt old and worn for the last month or so. I am off to the doctor today about the other health issue. I really don’t like my choices – fat, headaches and decreasing energy (no drug) or much less fat and nauseous (with drug). Essentially my body without the drug believes I am pregnant.

Basically I swing back and forward to getting so fat I can’t bear myself (which is where I am now) and so I go and get a new script for the drug. There I sit for a year or two taking it and then I get so over feeling nauseous that I give up the drug. It isn’t a good set of choices and since no other treatments have seemed to help it is just one of the things I manage (by having broad sized wardrobe) and luckily a patient partner!

On the plus side Thomas was with me yesterday. He helped pick my glasses (go black and square Mum they are cool)

Over it

2008-05-27T19:24:00.002+09:30

Gawd I am completely over Kevin 07 and this relentless talk about petrol prices. I was feeling so positive about Kev in the early months,but I think he has got himself completely tied up in - what Josh (Wes*t Wing I am a BIG fan) would call 'the trivia.' This week he has been sidelined into the henson debate (which is too silly to even talk about to my mind), ongoing drama about petrol prices (ahh hello people didn't we vote for him because he was going to do something about green house gasses and public transport infrastructure surely these two things alone are reason enough to leave petrol prices where they are - take down the GST on healthy food if you want to do something for "working families" - don't get me started on that) and his child care costs (how he spends his allowance for staff really truly does not bother me a bit).

I am disappointed in Kev, I was lulled into a sense of vision by his first few months.
Now we are back to the stuff that just makes all of us annoyed at politicians.

seperated parenting

2008-05-26T19:16:00.003+09:30

i posted this earlier today on LPA - I thought I would add it here...

I notice how many of us have kids from prior relationships and we talk about seperated parenting now in the world generally alot - like it is nothing. I wonder if this is so for other people...it isn't so for me...

I broke up with Thomas's Dad when he was 3.5 years old. It wasn't my decision to break up - it wasn't a sexuality thing - and it was way hard to find my way through it. Thomas is nine now, and his Dad and I have always kept things friendly enough– no court dramas thank the goddess – and we have a fairly flexible arrangement but with agreed parenting orders which divide his week 3 nights with his Dad and 4 nights with me. We have the same rules at each house about most things - bedtime and the amount of tv and Nintendo each day etc. There have been plenty of difficult times – don't get me wrong – any change for either us has been difficult for the other I think. But we have managed overall to keep things friendly so that Thomas is clear at least that he is completely loved by both of us and that we communicate with each other about most things.

In the beginning he spent much more time with me – more like 5 – 6 nights most weeks. His Dad also went away for anything between 1 – 3 months a year on holidays and traveling. A couple of years ago thou his Dad got married and I guess Thomas got older and maybe a bit more interesting for his Dad – they started skiing together and his Dad coaches his sports team etc and slowly things have changed.

Thomas is nine and a bit now. I have been doing this for six years. Handing him over, giving him away most weeks for some of each week. And for me the pain and grief of that goes on. It has got better but it goes on. I can rationalize it to myself about the importance of his relationship with his Dad, about how it has been good at times to have time to spend with Gaye – and now lovely Al – without the particular responsibilities of a(nother) child at home. He gets access to many more fabulous holidays, has now one devoted (Gaye) and one very caring (his Dad's wife) step-parent which adds to the crowd of those who love him and his extended family, he has Al – sibling whom he loves and his loved by, there is no doubt in my mind that Thomas feels that he is the centre of his family.

Despite being as happy as can be in my relationship with Gaye and now having Al to love …for me the sense of loss continues to grow as each year goes by – not withstanding the increasing ease there is in being able to communicate with him by phone, email, school story reading etc etc, each day that he does not sleep with me. As he grows I realize more and more how much I have missed (and most weeks I see him everyday). How the missing goes on – will go on. How the loss is ever lasting…

I do know that this is about me and not him. If he wants to see me or his Dad he just says so and we organize it. He expresses no concern about his life of going back and forwards. Although I guess this could come back to bite us later.

Anyway … I just wondered how others find the separated parenting story… I don't think in the throws of the breakup I had a real sense of how this would impact on me – I was worried about him and for him – but I had no sense of the neverendingness of the process…

working from home

2008-05-20T10:08:00.002+09:30

I am 'working from home' this morning which actually means I am on Al duty until 1:00and then I will work on the work I should be doing at work tonight at home. Gaye is working and studying all the hours of the day and night and Al has been unwell with a cold so we are back to the beginning in the night time sleeping stakes - thou he is sleeping well during the day (possibly because he is so tired from his night time activities).

We went to Canberra for the weekend and stayed with my folks while Thomas attended my niece's 10th birthday. Gaye and I sank into the comfy couches of a beautifully warmed house and ate roast lamb cooked with veggies and pomegranate from my mother's garden.

Whenever we go to Canberra (now that my mother has come over all pretty comfy with the whole lesbian thing) we relax and feel taken care of. Gaye always really looks forward to visits to my parents. She calls it respite as they do look after us. I look forward to it less - as I am still a bit resentful at my mother's interaction with me over the past few years.

We also have discussion about what it would be like to live in a house the size of my parents with access to huge parks and tracks of land all around them for kids to play and bike ride. Mind you at my brothers equally large and very closely located house I don't get the same sense of peace - which brings me to the conclusion that it is actually more about the lack of having kids with their toys, bikes, scooters and need for constant feeding that actually brings about the peace in my parents home. After a bit thou I miss the noise and mess and chaos and am pretty happy to get home.

Anyway - since the boy is sleeping I should do some work. I am really posting because I got my new header from Cali and wanted to put it up and suggest that if anyone is creatively useless as me they should go ahead and click on that button down there on the right and get her to work on one for you.

sicited

2008-05-15T14:28:00.005+09:30

I am very - as Thomas would say - sicited because Cali is making me a new header. I am not all that creative - at least in the design way, I am a creative cook and I like to look at creative things. I am surrounded by creative people - artists, architects, writers and musicians make up my oldest and dearest friends. But for myself I am unable to feel confident about doing much more than the kids birthday invitations and the photo albums.

Cali is trying to raise her self some funds for her journey to motherhood while being the devoted and dead funny carer or her grandmother. So I am more than happy to leave the creative to the creative.

She works 'fastly' - Thomas again - and has already sent me a pretty fabby mock-up. I just forgot to tell her I don't (as in really really don't) like pink (except on my friends children!)...

So be prepared to enjoy our all new look in the coming days ...

MOTHERING DAY

2008-05-13T09:51:00.002+09:30

Both the boys were sick on Mothers Day so we had a really low key laid back sort of day. It started with Thomas making us both a very professional cup of tea in bed, plus the traditional swapping of gifts - hot reduggies for me and a massage for Gaye. Thomas wrote dead amusing things in our cards. Asking on behalf of Al that there be no more rides in cars or planes and tell me that I rock. All good.

We finished the day with a walk and a lovely homemade curry and chocolate biscuits.

Lovely

H.R

2008-05-08T15:57:00.001+09:30

course none of that goes for HR who are driving me completely and utterly insane at the moment...

worth the effort

2008-05-08T11:58:00.007+09:30

Gaye is probably the politest person I know. She always says her pleases and thank yous, she is always kind and polite to everyone regardless of how often she will see them or any role they may be taking on in their working or personal lives. She engages with the people around her all the time - meets their eyes and smiles (she can
be a bit of flirt but that is another story) waves to folks in other cars when they let her in at the lights etc etc. Even when someone is rude to her she usually responds with very good manners - and an even tone which is dead impressive (and probably more effective) when she is rebuking.

I am not always so polite. I wouldn't go so far as to say I am regularly rude or anything but I don't have the impeccable manners she does. I sometimes wander off to bed without saying goodnight. I can be distracted by the phone or the kids and so not always engage with the person I am buying my milk from. I try, but I am not anywhere near Gaye.

It has taken some effort on my part to teach Thomas to look people in the eye when they come and go and greet/farewell them properly (he was very shy as a small boy but at 9 and the size of your average 13 year old this is not a good look). And my father was such a beast about table manners (thou he is a completely warm and fuzzy grandparent on this issue) and so I have some issues and have relied heavily on Gaye to be the leader in this department.

As I have got older I have become increasingly intolerant of bad behaviour (I am working my way to being a grumpy old woman) and I have however become an excellent feedback via email person (FvE) which has effectively curbed me losing my temper at call centre types who tell me 'the computer says no' over and over and through really no fault of their own cop my frustration and anger. And I have found that an complaint email generally gets a more proactive response anyway, plus the boys don't see me lose my temper so much AND I don't feel as bad afterwards as I am more measured when I need to write something down.

Simultaneously in the last couple of years I have become increasingly aware of how important it is to thank the people who do the stuff that we all rely on so I have taken to emailing my thanks to staff in hospitals who treat the boys well and hotels where someone took a little extra effort with us.

This week I have emailed new school (the headmistress) just to say thanks for all of the extra effort and the patience the teachers and administrative staff at the school have shown while we settle in. I also emailed my local member (whose son went to my sons school last year and so we worked on sausage sizzles together) to say that I appreciate the direction the Government is taking in relation to the same-sex parenting stuff.

Both have replied saying it is so nice to get back positive feedback ...so I am feeling like it was worth the effort..

were you up?

2008-05-07T08:39:00.006+09:30

That was how Gaye greeted me this morning...were you up with the baby during the night? The answer 'no were you?'

We can not get over the miracle that is the baby bliss experience. Gaye and I were so not up for the cont*l crying business. But the process that Jo talked us through has resulted in the baby sleeping day (2 sleeps one of an hour and one of two hours) and night(from 8 - 7 last night) and without any awful drama or stress on his or our part.

Last night he went through the whole night without waking at three - which has been his way since Jo came to see us. He is so happy, he was always happy and easygoing, but now he literally sings and grins his way through the day. We have regained our ability to construct sentences - even at 8 pm. I had forgotten what it was not to be tired I think. It is all good.

Gaye and Al are off for a couple of days tomorrow to stay with some friends in Armidale which will be lovely for them. Thomas and I are going to do some big boy things and on Saturday he is going to surfing with his Dad in the afternoon. So I will be alone. Alone. I am not really a person who craves time on my own, I usually prefer to be with the kids and Gaye. But I so rarely get time on my own I am full of plans for myself. Plan A at the moment? I am thinking of having a massage and then retiring to bed for the afternoon with my new bookclub book...

Ring Ring

2008-05-05T11:26:00.001+09:30

Why won't they ring me?

They rang my second referee last week and she said it had all sounded good.

And so now I am waiting again for them to ring me.

It is like a terrible torture from an ex-lover - each time I move on a bit, move away, they do something to tantalise me and make me think that maybe maybe I have got it.

Why don't they ring...

constant raving

2008-05-05T08:39:00.003+09:30

On Saturday night Gaye and I went out to see the lovely and amazing kdlang. I know I know we are living up to all sorts of stereotypes but the woman can really really sing. We weren't going to to go - although we wanted to - cause the tickets were expensive and we thought it was a bit extravagant. But then this was in the paper and we saw there were still tickets so we did it.

I am so glad we went. Her voice was amazing, amazing, amazing and the whole feel was soothing and fun and easy. Plus as we walked away from the house at 7:45pm weadmitted to each other that for the first time in since Al was born neither of us was feeling worn out to tired to go out really or worried about leaving him.

Al is sleeping like an angel - I am talking two solid sleeps each day and 11 - 12 hours of maybe broken once sleep at night. It istruly amazing how different we all feel. Thomas had tried to get us to leave earlier - 'I wish you two would go and let me and Auntie Lou get on with it.' So we did, leaving them to their chocolate eclairs and dvd.

Her songs have been running like the maple syrup they are through my mind all through yesterday. Lovely. Lonely. Lovely.

Long cut

2008-05-01T10:39:00.005+09:30

We took what Thomas calls the 'long cut' to school this morning. Walking instead of riding as I thought that the combination of dog and baby on the bike might be a bit much for me and the dog got short shift yesterday in terms of walks so I thought we should make it up to him.

I really like walking or riding to school and now Al has his very own wee rider on the bike the four of us have taken the odd social ride on the weekend with the dog with one adult, baby with another and Thomas riding along in front usually chatting away non-stop.

I have had the same bike for close to 20 years. I spent $800.00 on it 20 years ago and the first time I got on it was a revelation to me. Anyway this weekend I rode my sisters bike which is new and could not believe how comfy it was and immediately demanded that all of my extended family should give me a new bike for my upcoming 40th birthday.

I dropped into my new bike shop on my way back from dropping Thomas at his Dad's the other morning - they were heading out for a surf crazy buggers don't they know it is freezing? - and the bloke there convinced me that my bike is in fact a "classic" and so I am taking it in for some work including a new stem and seat...we shall see.

I have been off work for most of this week, the combination of a sinus infection and exhaustion I think. I am completely over my job and have been for sometime. I applied for a 'dream job' about a month ago and got an interview. I felt so pleased with myself for getting the interview as the position is a significant one in the area which I have worked in for the last 15 years and so was pretty horrified when I stuffed up the interview - a combination of nerves and out of practice I think. So gave up on the whole idea. It was pretty weird to find out they had rung one of my referees about a week later and I began to get my hopes up. it is all a bit odd now - as they left two messages for my other referee but have not returned her three calls and I haven't heard a thing. Government moves slowly at times - but this slowly?

Anyway - having me at home for the best part of the week as been pretty lovely (for us all) I think. We have assumed our 'natural' selves in someways as Gaye has worked alot - which she loves. And things, with full-time not working at home parent, have been pretty smooth at home. Thomas is with us all week as his Dad is working again but it has been so easy with someone with no other responsibilities - even while we have been doing baby boot camp. It has reminded me how much I do like this.

So I have decided to no longer fight Gaye's ongoing suggestion that she works full time and I start looking for some interesting, not to badly paid but mainly not overly stressful part-time work and be the mostly at home one. Sounds pretty fabulous huh! Guess we will be taking the long cut a bit more often Thomas, Al and I.

on the way to the end maybe?

2008-04-30T10:20:00.003+09:30

And now there is this

How good is this path we seem to be on?
Like the majority of the people around me I have spent the last decade or so knowing I was speaking a different language to the wider Australian community. My elation at feeling like social justice is a primary motive (and not just those in same sex relationships but in many other areas as I have previously blogged about) for change and part of the spirit and language of our community is profound. Ofcourse I am still much further to the left than the federal government but still the language is heartening and the direction soothing to my soul.

loving winter

2008-04-30T10:19:00.003+09:30

I grew up in Canberra which might explain for my rather home-loving and some would say dull interests but definitely explains my joy in the changing seasons. Sydney doesn't have seasons in the way Canberra does where golden and brown leaves, blossom, snow on the mountains and scorching heat are a feature of each of the seasons. In winter you can see your breath as you exhale and in summer the heat of the middle of the day is dry and depleting.

So, unlike lots of people (like the rest of my little family) I enjoyed the rain the for much of last two weeks, it has felt so Autumny. I would like it more if it happened while I was not working so I could snug up at home rather than running the gauntlet of school drop offs and meetings across campus, but still, I enjoy it and find it soothing. The other plus is we have now not used town water for our washing or loo since October last year - and the tank is still lovely and full.

It has provided me the opportunity to get back into baking a few things. I love to bake but, unlike Gaye I am a recipe follower, and have found the challenge of egg and wheat free baking something I have had to work myself up to and so avoided while the sun has shone. But this week I made very good chocolate chip cookies without eggs or wheat flour. I am thinking of giving ANZACS a go next week. Thomas loves a home made biscuit in his lunch and I eat much less sugar when I am baking (I know that is weird but true)

It has also given me the opportunity to read my first bookclub book. I have found it a bit of a struggle to find the time and (even though I chose the book) the inclination to get through this book, which is a sweeping historical story. I am looking forward to discussing it with the lovely bunch of women who have agreed to give a bookclub ago with me - with lots of enthusiasm too.

It was sunny on Saturday which gave me a chance to get back into the garden - such that it is - and give my vegies and herbs some TLC. Thomas loves to work in the garden and grow things we can eat. Today we picked lemons, chilli, mint and tied back the tomatoes which look like they are going to give us another burst. He especially likes to feed the plants the 'worm wee' from our worm farm. Plenty also gets spilt all over the place. I saw a tv show last night with a local celb chef who had a huge row of pots up on his fence in his small inner city locale. I think once the deck is done i will do the same as it would vastly increase our growing ability.

boot camp ninjas

2008-04-29T18:05:00.008+09:30

We have had some funny times of late.

Both the boys are getting bigger all the time of course, but you know how from time to time you suddenly realise they (and sometimes me!) have made big jumps ahead.

Thomas continues to adore his brother and is thoroughly enjoying Al’s mobility as his crawling has become very fast and he is regularly cruising the furniture and pushing a Stephanie Alexander Cookbook filled trolley. He was also very taken with our ‘new routine’ provided by the lovely baby bliss gal Jo who met with us yesterday to give us some new strategies to assist Al to learn to sleep.

Al is in baby boot camp now. No milk between 7 and 7, out of the wrap and into a big long sleeping bag and very limited interaction during the night. It has been a bit of a challenge for us both as I think we would most naturally just bring him into bed with us (as Thomas was) but Al doesn’t respond with sleep he responds with play and grunting and crawling around the place. For hours. At 2am.

It was a tough night last night – mostly for Gaye who did the long haul – but we can see light at the end of the tunnel and he doesn’t seem distressed (either at night or today) but things… we shall see.

He is verbalising much more now, lots more sounds and noises. I can’t wait for him to start using words…I think he is going to be a lot of fun.

The speaking and developing communication skills thing is really one of the things I love about watching the boys grow. Thomas is nine now, so of course is perfectly comfy in many situations and can appropriately and clearly engage in conversation – including rather delightfully bringing in new topics of conversation over dinner with friends and family or while driving in the car that he thinks people might be interested in “so blah de blah have you heard about the Japanese and how they kill whales?”. (often as a result of previous conversations with us about an issue). Still he does continue to delight with the phases and sayings all of his own. Some recent examples are:

"finger knoting" and "kniting sticks" - used while he finger knits and I knit and he discusses ALOT with me how finger knoting might be better because it is faster on the way down but not the way across and exactly how much finger knoting would be need to make a scarf or maybe a jumper for Lightning.
pends on He used to say 'perpends' some sort of perhaps and depend compbo. He now uses depends but will follow up with pend when looking at the options.
by my side by far one of our most amusing interactions recently was one where we needed the services of the large insurance company that uses the above song as it jingle. Thomas lay on the wall singing the song loudly and asking questions of Gaye about the service provided by the bloke who was trying to get our car started compared to the blokes from the ad on the television.
ninja Not his most polically correct moment but the other day he and I were in a cafe with his Dad having a coffee/milkshake before he headed off surfing for a couple of hours. A woman in full purda(sp?) came into the cafe and although our area is pretty diverse and there are plenty of women who cover their heads particuarly in my workplace Thomas was completely taken by her - hey Mum look at that woman. I started down my usual path of explanation when he interupted with 'yeah yeah I know, but she looks like a ninja to me' I admit the adults choked on our coffee with laughter

on the certificate

2008-04-22T13:40:00.005+09:30

It has just been announced that the legislation is about to go through so that mothers can put their same sex partner on the birth certificate as a co-mother.

It is retrospective.

I will be able to be put on Al's birth certificate as his co-mother.

This also means that Gaye will be legally recognised as Thomas' step-mother in the same way that his other step-mother who is married to his father is.

So will all those 'other mothers' just like us.

Gaye has been teary all week in anticipation. She keeps saying how happy she feels about it. I refused to believe it or get engaged until I saw it released in the press. Now I am allowing myself a tear or two. Tears of happiness and legal acceptance.

Yippeee!

Surf was up

2008-04-22T12:52:00.002+09:30

Well, we finally had the learn-to-surf party on Sunday.

And although the surf conditions were pretty swirly, the rain held off, the kids had a terrific time and Thomas has had his birthday party!

Cake was eaten, kid were dumped and stood up and surfed, we caught up with some people from old school, new school was represented and lolly bags given out.

Success!

All parties and celebrations ended now until Gaye turns 41 in July.

We also had a lovely weekend with my brother and his family. Kids sleeping on mass in the lounge room, a fabulous breakfast at my sisters place and visits to the park rounded off the weekend nicely.

looking after oneself

2008-04-16T09:35:00.003+09:30

Thomas is having a completely fabulous time with my parents and his cousins. I have just rung this morning and been told to ring back later after he has been to the park. They are heading off to a major Canberra park with a great playground and planning a sausage sizzle lunch.Excitement plus.

My mum rang laughing last night to tell me that he had repeatedly told her how he 'had to look after himself' on this holiday. Apparently the conversation went like this yesterday afternoon.

'Hey Paule, I have to look after myself this holiday.'
"Yes darling I know, you are looking after yourself beautifully'
"Yes Mum isn't here so I have to look after myself"
"Yes darling'
"Hey Paule could you get me an apple juice with some ice in it please?"

I guess knowing to ask is in a way looking after himself ....

one of those moments

2008-04-15T13:27:00.004+09:30

Today I have dropped Thomas off with my Dad who met us halfway to Canberra which is where Thomas is going to spend the rest of this first week of his school holidays.

He is thrilled, excited and joy-filled at the very thought of the next days and nights with Grandparents and cousins and without parents. This is the first time we have done
this and I feel really comfy because he is just so comfy with the idea. In fact it was his idea.

As we were driving along I repeated what I had said earlier in the week - if you get worried or concerned just ring I am happy to come down and stay with you if you need me to. He answered as he has each time 'Mum, that is so not going to happen'

So big, so independent, so grown up.

Mind you - he also came and hopped into bed this morning joining Al who had come in around 4:00am for a snuggle and in my half sleep half awake state my mind was wandering around. I just felt so happy lying there with Thomas snuggled in, his feet twisted around my ankles the way they have twisted amongst my limbs most mornings for the last 9 plus years and Al cuddled up on the other side of me his lips pursed clearly dreaming of milk and Gaye fast asleep on his other side. And the thought came to me that this was one of those moments that stay with you that might come back when I am old and lying in bed somewhere. A feeling ofcontentment and peace.

year gone by

2008-04-14T18:04:00.004+09:30

Al is one year and one day today - and we had a completely lovely time having morning tea with many of the important people in his/our lives yesterday morning. It was a comfy and low key morning with just a small number of kids and close and dear friends.

We managed to negoiate an egg, wheat, nut, preservative and colour free birthday party which included cake!

At one the boy can:

clap (literally as of yesterday)
indicate yes (eye and face upwards) and no (chin to chest no eye contact)
cruise the furniture but not yet push a trolley
play peek a boo and knows to crawl as fast as he can when he is chased

Showing off

2008-04-09T09:59:00.007+09:30

Last night we went to the new school's Art Show. Old school had an art
show too and I remember really enjoying it the first year. There was
music and the kids had done some Art it was kinder it was hard to tell
the quality or effort that had been put into the work.

Last yearwe went to the Art Show - which is held late in the year. And the music
from Mr C (who is the principal and has to be related to the other Mr
in Summ*r He*ights High for the Australian's in the audience) band was
so loud the baby sobbed the whole time and most of the adults ended up
on the street outside the hall so we could speak to each other.

Asthose of you who have actually read this blog know I became increasingly dissatisfied with the old school and its focus on the young too cool teachers over my period there. They were hard tofault as they worked hard and were enthusiastic but unfortunately it just didn't make up for experience and skills. Not to mention the focus always being on the teachers (and from time to time their partners) rather than the kids.

Last night at new school I realised that my dissatisfaction was warranted.

We had a gorgeous display of kids art which the kids had worked on for a number of weeks (Thomas outlined the design and production phases in detail last night), the concert band played two pieces which they had clearly practiced the choir sang two songs. It was well executed and well done. The focus was on the kids achievement (with an appropriate level of thanks to the music teacher). It was fabulous. It was timely.
It was fun.

yay for new school.

The best thing is how happy Thomas is there. I am not sure if it is a maturity thing or if being in such a large school has removed the pressure from him (he who stood out from the crowd at old school is just one of the crowd at new school). I am not sure if it is having lots of subject choice, new friends or an experienced and skilled teacher who encourges and contains. But he is really happy, and our thrice weekly coversation about how he really thinks he would like a day of school has become so irregular I couldn't even tell you how often it ocurs. Papa has really noticed the changes too.

Yay for new school.

Papa to the rescue

2008-04-07T12:49:00.003+09:30

We have a bit of a mad week ahead of us. It is Al's birthday at the end of the week and so we have 20 or so people coming to have (a wheat free, egg free, nut free) morning tea with us. This includes Gaye's parents who arrive on Friday to stay for the weekend.

Thomas' Dad is working this week - long hours. And so we are responsible for getting him to and from school each day and ensuring he has lunch in his bag and fitting in an orthodontist appointment, band practice on wed morning, clarinet tutor this afternoon, section tutoring after school on Tuesday, soccer training on Tuesday night (which means dinner at 5 before we go) and to throw in a bit more excitement the school Art Show which he has been preparing for all term, oh and homework. Plus I have a job interview (in the middle of the day on Wednesday)which is going to require a reasonable level of preparation because I would actually like to do okay, Al has his one year check up at the paediatrician and we are in middle of a very gentle teach to sleep process which involves us being up and down a bit during the night, Gaye has an essay due at the end of the week (and one next week) oh and Lightning is booked in for a groom and needs a couple of walks everyday.

Could someone please explain to me when we are meant to fit in my 'full time' and Gaye's 'part time' employment.(the '' are because although in theory I work full time and Gaye works part time we probably both work about the same amount as my job is a bit easy and she loves hers and so works too much!). Luckily the day light saving has meant we are all up at the crack of dawn to fit in the ironing, washing and whoever was up with Al having a bit of a sleep.

Thank goodness Dad has put his hand to hang around with us for an extra few days as he was coming up to see his brother who is passing through town on his way back from O/S. We have signed him up to cover all sorts of 'cross-over' baby and big boy care, he is also planning on oiling our deck. We love Dad coming to stay, he fits in and demands nothing from us and just generally helps out.

He doesn't much look like a superhero - but I am pretty tempted to get him a cape.

Bits of boys news

2008-04-04T11:48:00.005+10:30

Thomas has made it on to the school soccer team. This is very very exciting even more so as we had done a considerable amount of trying to bring down his expectations as we were told that Grade 3's don't usually make it into the team and he should think of it as something to aim for in Grade 5 or 6.

I am pleased for him - because he is completely thrilled - but also wonder if it is right to be letting him focus totally on soccer (he will now have one practice and game in school and one practice and game out of school each week as he is on an
outside school team as well). This was one of the selling points to him of the school so I have just decided to go with it this year - as long as it stays fun.

He is settling really well into school, enjoying band and mandarin (reasons why I liked the school) and making new friends. His (twice delayed thanks to broken arms) birthday party is the week after next and he can't wait.

Al is recovering nicely from the chicken pops and we are back to teaching him that sleeping all the way through the night is a good thing. It was Gaye's turn last night which she actually seems to have used the hour between 12:30 - 1:30am effectively bysimultaneously studying (I did piano practice the night before) which is pretty impressive. he is crawling very well now and makes a bee line for the hallway and the door outside whenever either is open/close by. I am trying to teach him to blow
kisses which so far only results in his hysterical laughter ... His actual birthday and birthday party is next Sunday and although he doesn't care much the rest of us are enjoying planning it for him.

Autumn

2008-04-04T11:38:00.003+10:30

It is completely delicious in Sydney right now - cool breezes, sunny days and gorgeous evenings. We have been doing all the things you do in this lovely weather with walks around the park in the evening and enjoying the last moments of the extended daylight saving by gardening after work.

We have planted carrots and a new batch of lettuce and in a bit of whimsy for my childhood - rubarb. I have this idea of cooking "rubarb full" a special past down from my grandmother but to be honest I may have to buy the rubarb as (a) we only planted one plant and (b) Sydney really isn't ideal for such an item. Still ....

We also planted some native violet and a star jasmine as we are never allowed to leave the nursery without some sort of 'beautiful flower' that Thomas has his eye on. Often I give in an buy some garish number of his choosing this time I liked his choices. My mother has an incredible garden and Thomas would really like us to have a quarter block to garden and play on. In theory I would too - but I only just keep up with the care required for our very small patch of grass and pots (not to mention the mortgage payments for the land we have) so I am not sure if in reality I would enjoy it as much as he would.

We are finally starting to get our lives in order and have a clear list of 'things to do' on the house that will make it feel more comfy and completed. These are - in order - finish the deck, by a new tv cabinet, pull up the concrete and pave/grass areas, put in built in cupboards and complete the painting.

Ofcourse there are a complicated list of things attached to each of these (council, look at possible extension plans etc etc) but still at least there is a list. It all feels a bit springy rather than autumny but there we are ....

chicken pops

2008-03-28T19:24:00.004+10:30

we have the chicken pops (thomas refuses to call them anything else). well when i say we i mean the smallest boy does. last night around 3:30 he was awake and i noticed lumps. her reacts to bites quite badly so we started some anti-histamine and went back to bed. this morning and throughout the day the few 'bites' have spread across his face and hands. gaye took him to the dr this evening and yup we have the chicken pops.

al is doing pretty well he has been a bit clingy but otherwise ok. he looks pretty terrible thou.

as today is the 'worst' day in terms of infection we have just packed thomas off to his Dads in an effort to avoid passing it on to him (his already delayed birthday party is in two weeks). and he, his (other) step mother and I are off to get a shot tomorrow morning which apparently gives a good chance of not passing it on.

so we have cancelled everything, rung everyone we have had contact with in the last week or so (we had a rather large family get together with kids of all ages over Easter) a quiet weekend ahead - just sitting around counting the pops.

Melbourne

2008-03-20T11:14:00.004+10:30

We are off to Melbourne tonight to spend Easter with my bestest friends who have just moved there. We are staying in an apartment down the road - I didn't really think it was fair to land all four of us on them in their new tiny place. I can't wait to see them and just hang out.

Our friendship is largely based on hanging out - at each others places over dinner or lunch or coffee. And although we did on occasion actually do things together it will also be a bit novel to be doing things with them over the weekend.

I have found it a bit of an adjustment them moving away as they were the
people most likely to be found at our place for dinner on a Saturday
night, we knew lots about each others lives and they are my parenting
gurus when I need advice.

Despite my fears we seem to have managed this first two months well - talking lots on the phone and keeping up to date. I guess time will tell how our friendship develops and changes but I am sure we will always be connected.

It has been good for me thou as I have been forced out of my regular and comfortable ways and started inviting other friends around to eat (this is what I really love to do) including branching out with newer friends and renewing or changing my time with older ones.

I started to feel a bit lonely (my two closest friends now live in other
cities) so have been active about seeking people out. I am proud of myself.

I sent out an email today to ask a group of women about starting a bookclub. Although the daggy high schooler in me was worried about rejection I have had good feedback so far and am already planning our first evening event.

We had some very good friends of mine and some new ones around to lunch last Sunday, all our children played well and the adults got on well it was one of those lazy Sunday lunches that went on into the afternoon.

A good start I think.

But still ....I am really really really looking forward to going to Melbourne this afternoon

almost one ...

2008-03-10T12:55:00.003+10:30

Not long from now, in just over a month, Al will be one.

And like all parents we are amazed that this first year has gone so fast, that he has developed so much and is so incredibly clever, beautiful and basically divine.

He is completely gorgeous at the moment – tearing up whenever Thomas, Oliver (his babysitter) Gaye or I leave the room or the house. Actually not so much Gaye – much to her chagrin. But I say this is because he is so beautifully attached to her and wonderfully sure that she (who is around the most) will be back that he feels no worry about it. Those of us who come and go almost everyday - to work and school and to play at friends houses and the like are much more unreliable than Gaye and so are treated to tears (while waving) on departure and greeted with incredible joy on our return (legs, arms flapping, grins and happy sounds).

On the sleep front we have put in place a bit more of a night-time and daytime routine which – no surprises here folks – he is responding well too (for the most part last night was an exception) already.

Although he sits at the lower end of the weight chart he has little chubby legs that swing back and forward under his highchair or when he is being carried on a hip. His vocab has increased to aahhs and gaahs but there are no identifiable words yet. He does have a very endearing habit of throwing his head back looking at the ceiling, pursing his lips and making an oohh sound over and over. I am not sure what it is about but we all love it.

He pulls the dog’s coat and puts his hand in his mouth and goes for his toys whenever he is close by (bless Lightning for his patience and kindness). Everything still goes into his mouth to be checked out and thoroughly processed but he has begun actually eating the pieces of vegetables and fruit and toast with avocado we put on his highchair rather than just throwing them over the side.

He cries if I don’t pick him up and let him have a bang on the piano when I am practicing and continues to get very excited when the jolly jumper is pulled out for a bit of jumping action. He continues to crawl through a mixture of commando and the usual style – getting from place a to b rather efficiently. He has just started to pull himself up in the cot occasionally but is not employing this skill yet in any other forum. He is also pretty attached to what I can only call 'the mountain' from my yoga days - toosh in the air, hands and toes on the floor, legs straight and head between his arms. This position is most often at the beginning of a decision to get somewhere fast or when rolling around on our bed (one of his happiest times) in between us mid feed.

There are many many more things about him that I just adore but ...his and Thomas’ mutual love and devotion continues to be of the greatest joy to me (and them). We have recently given Thomas permission to carry him about - and Al seems most happy with this turn of events (we didn’t want to spend the whole time telling Thomas what he could and couldn’t do with Al so just had one rule – Thomas could hold/play/feed Al whenever he wanted as long as he was sitting down) and they have been bathing together a bit which honestly is a huge mess and lots of fun but also the sort of stuff that brings tears to your eyes.

He is almost one.

Sleep it is a notion …

2008-03-06T10:23:00.001+10:30

I am not to sure what it is that Al likes about 4 am in the morning, but we seem to seeing a lot of it of late.

He is a shocking sleeper these days. He has had a cold (as has Gaye), which might explain some of it. But there is now way it explains it all.

He is a very different being from Thomas who responded to a simple routine and being wrapped up. It took time to establish but he is a great sleeper and a great going to bed kid.

I am a very different parent 9 years on too... Al’s life is dictated to more by what the rest of us are doing rather than his potential routine and I am conscious that we have not put consistent energy into developing good sleeping habits for Al. Largely I think because it doesn’t seem to impact on him all that much.

I am not at all against co-sleeping. If Al would sleep when he was with us I would be more than open to him sleeping in with us all night. Thomas came into bed with me for a long time after his 2:00am feed and then once he moved into a bed he would come in sometime between 4:00 – 6:00 in the morning and snuggled in for more sleep and a cuddle. He continues to come in the mornings – especially on weekends to lie with us, sometimes hanging out in our bed after the rest of us have left.

But Al rolls around and wakes and crawls, he feeds over and over – just because it is there I think – of late he seems to be enjoying being awake for a couple of hours where he is perfectly happy if he is with us (but wide awake) and sobs if left in his cot. He is much more strong willed than Thomas was (or we are older and tireder) and it is so much more complex with the boys sharing a room.

We are not of the controlled crying mould of parenting and so we are thinking of getting in help (there is a private – probably outrageously expensive – service here where the woman comes for 3 nights and helps you learn how to settle and teach the baby to sleep without controlled crying. Which makes me feel a bit like a weird failed parent but still you know if someone knows something and it would help well these days I need my sleep, we both work, we have min childcare and two children.

The thing that is interesting thou is that he continues to not be all that impacted by his own lack of sleep. He is a happy fellow most of the time and apart from a bit of whinging is good natured and friendly and easy going.

I sometimes think that my simple (but firmish) routine for Thomas might be part of the reason he has a ‘high need know’ about what is going on next. He has got more easygoing as he has got older but when he was younger a throw out of the routine meant hell to pay. Al is not like that and I would hate for him to lose that easy going sleep when I can, eat when it is there smiley interaction because we developed one.

Sigh ...

2008-02-27T07:59:00.002+10:30

We seem to have gone back in time to a time long long ago. No hold on it wasn't long ago it was late last year - actually it only finished around mid January...

Thomas has broken his arm - again! This time it is is wrist. He was away with his Dad at his grandparents place at the southcoast. He was riding his bike, the chain came off and over he went. It was clearly at bad fall - he has grazes on both knees, both elbows, his nose, his lip, his belly. He has a broken wrist. He rang me from the coast a few times on the day of his fall and told me all about it.

When he got back from the coast I said to his Dad that his wrist looked rather swollen. His Dad's mother-in-law is a physio and was done the coast also. She said it looked like a sprain to her. (This was the ever helpful person who told Thomas before Christmas when he got his last cast off that he should do his exercises or he would have to go to Physio which is 'really really painful.' This was a nightmare when it came time to go to Physio as exercise wasn't enough and left my poor boy in tears with worry about the potential upcoming pain. And no amount of consolation from me was believeable - anyhoo). Yesterday when we woke up it was still swollen and he was teary and very uninterested in going to school.

long story short - we went to the GP, she took one look at it and said 'green stick fracture' and off we went back to the hospital. (As and aside can I just say we have had nothing but fabulous treatment from our local hospital and the children's hospital in the last 12 months of constant visits!)

Thomas is a gem. His birthday party is in two weeks. It is a "learn to surf party". At the beach - in the water. He said to the GP 'oh no this can't be true my party is in two weeks' Apart from that and a need for 'something to do at lunchtime' he has completely taken being back in a cast for potentially another six weeks on the (slightly grazed) chin. He really wanted to go to band training this morning (obviously much more comfy with the cast on). He will have spent the best part of this summer in a cast and unable to swim (his favourite activity). He won't be able to surf on his new board or play with his new basketball hoop. His party will have to be delayed...

So I am off now to cancel swimming classes, soccer training and delay the party...oh and join the P&C for the new school as there really is nothing to do at lunch if you don't play soccer...

He is nine

2008-02-18T12:29:00.002+10:30

As of Friday Thomas is nine.

This statement makes me turn into one of those old time grandmas who berate the passing of time (Jewish variety maybe?) as honestly I don't know how it happened... one minute he was a little fellow who toddled around the place into everything and excited and interested in most things. The next he was nine and getting i*od's and basketball hoops for his birthday.

He had a great day. Gaye had made a riddle and a game to find his presents in the morning which made the bit that was a surprise (the hoop) even more fun. He is pretty taken with his hoop. The other wasn't a surprise (because he came upon the email in which it was discussed accidently - and admited to it! but he was worried that meant he wouldn't get it!).

We took 35 cupcakes to school (big school, big classes means 3 batches of cake mixture for this mother the night before) and my cupcakes were apparently considered very good - so they should be organic everything and mixed, cooked and iced with a lot of love! It was drama, spelling test, p.e and golf at school. All things he likes. We down loaded things on to the i*od afterschool with the $50.00 (!!) voucher my parents bought him to do such things and then had birthday cake with his Dad and step-mother (the other one!).

He was so happy. Still so excited by his birthday that he was up at midnight and 5:30am in anticpation. he was thrilled with all of his gifts and with himself all day. Next step - the party, which invitations went out for today. My strategy of leaving it until he had settled in went well - we have five kids from big school coming to the party.

Today we rode our bikes to big school (and back to work for me) and I think that afterall I will get over my grief at not being able to easily walk to school as we have done for the last 18 months as riding to school together is a lot of fun. He chatted the whole was there and pointed things out. Certainly much more pleaseant than the last two weeks of car parking dramas at both school and my work.

sorry

2008-02-14T11:04:00.004+10:30

it has been a big few weeks in our world:

we had a great time camping with my family, lots of swimming and eating and hanging about. We bought Thomas the 4th ha**y p book on audio tape and all enjoyed listening to the story in the long drive there and back. We took a family surfing lesson in which all of us managed to stand up and giggle alot. We got rained out on the last day and I took a leap down a muddy bank which left me with some dreadful back injury that has meant that computing has been out of the question - hence my silence - but had a nice few days with my parents on the way home.

we came back from the trip and Thomas started big school he has gone from a school of 120 with 17 kids in his grade 2 class to a school of 500 with 30 kids in his grade 3 class. It is a big change (for all of us!) but he is taking to it well and with a positive attitude. He threw himself into the swimming carnival and loved that he could get a point just for entering in a race "I am going in every race a nine year old boy can mumma" He was mostly worried about learning all the rules and on about the third day it rained (it has rained alot in the previous month) and he was lined up in the morning in his class group and the a/principal came out and said ' it is a wet weather day - you all know what to do when it rains' his little head whipped around and looked at me with pure panic. he is getting the hang of it thou and has started band this week and golf (that was one of the sport choices!) tommorrow.

Al is trying his best to crawl and rocking manically back and forwards (sometimes at two in the morning). he is definately babbling now - yayaya, mamamam, babababa. adding to the 'ooohhh' noises he has made so far. He is starting to be a bit shy with strangers and is just so pleased to be passed back to one of us. But he continues to be so happy all the time.

yesterday was such a signficant day with the apology to the stolen generations at last. Like many Australians I felt emotional in the build up and had tears running down my cheeks as the PM said the words. I feel so proud and pleased that our government has taken this significant step and it was done in a wholehearted and generous way. I am looking forward to the next steps.

sorry

2008-02-14T11:02:00.002+10:30

Duck Lips

2008-01-09T16:57:00.000+10:30

it is hard to even describe how completely gorgeous Al is. Eight and a half months. Blond, and his mother's big blue eyes and full lips.

His body is so filled with joy that he wriggles around (head swinging side to side like he is saying no although he is clearly saying yes!, legs and arms going in all directions) when ever anything nice happens - this could be as simple as one of us returning into the room (especially Thomas who always gets a smile) or playing with his belly (a guaranteed laugh). His little chubby legs swing gently back and forwards under his high chair in a way that is completly endearing.

At night he lies in his cot long after Thomas has fallen asleep - loudly and cheerfully calling out to him, trying with his whole heart to wake his brother. He loves his jolly jumper and Lightning (the puppy) insists on lying at his feet (often getting a face full of foot) as he jumps. Just seeing the jumper, the bath or hearing the mixer going with potential food is reason for a grin and a noise that can only be described as happy.

Al doesn't really cry, he is pretty much always happy. Sometimes a bit grumpy but even then mid whinge he will smile at us.

Until recently his lip would drop when a big noise or something sudden happened or he hurt his head as he rolled on the floor. There was a big dropped lip and a small dropped lip. In our house we call the big dropped lip the 'full lip' (imagine if you will an 8 year old calling from their bedroom "Gaye! Gaye! Mumma! this baby has the full lip, our baby has the full lip" followed by cheering up attempts). But in the last week or so this has changed to the cutest pout-y, kissing lip thing that we call duck lips. Often it is accompanied by an 'ooh' sound and followed by a dropping face.

Gaye and I like it so much we have to resist them temptation not to drop things loudly around him or some other sort of dreadful parenting mischief just because it is so cute. I sooo hope we catch it on video

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T14:56:00.001+10:30

This has been a year of so many changes and so much action in our family and it has ended in the same way it began. Lots of activity and time with those people we really love.

Thomas finished his time at Infant School with ease and happiness. A lovely school concert with the children’s voices being heard (unlike the last one) and a very simple ‘graduation’ ceremony for the Grade 2’s to send them out into the world of primary school. It reminded me of all the reasons we chose the school. A good and small community of people who really enjoy their children.

Thomas made all the year 2 mothers cry – by crying himself as he sang “Lean on Me” with his classmates, tears rolling down his face as he bravely wiped them away and kept on singing. Both Gaye and I have been approached by many a local parent commenting on how they were keeping it together until they saw him.

His report that arrived that day was excellent and he was thrilled to have us all there to watch him get his certificate – especially Al. He did make me laugh as he came in standing up suddenly to remind me that he wouldn’t be getting a special award this year as he had had one in kindergarten. It was nice to see our friends’ son Isaac who is in kindergarten – get his – he was so chuffed with himself.

I felt a bit sad at leaving the school but am ready for the next adventure too. This is my general state of being as the boys grow – mourning the fact that at stage has passed and it is no longer – looking forward to the next bit too. So far there has not been a time when I haven’t thought – "I wish I could just freeze him at this point he is just lovely"… but inevitably I enjoy the next stage too. We got a call on the last day letting us know that a place was available for Thomas at the local, larger and highly regarded primary. After previously making a decision to send him to the smaller local school (and actually thinking I had taken him off the waiting list for the big school) we are now in a state of dilemma about what to do as most of the kids and parents we like have gone for the big school.

I was spoilt rotten with a pre-birthday/Christmas present of a piano. A much longed for and not at all expected present from Gaye, Thomas and Al. I can not express how pleased I am to have a piano in the house…thou my expertise has dropped somewhat in the last 20 years since I regularly practiced…I am looking forward to learning again in a way I cannot describe.

I honestly believe that Thomas has enjoyed the keeping and planning of this secret as much as I am pleased to get it. A few weeks ago when Gaye was away for a few days he was bursting at the seams to talk about it. Counting down the sleeps until her return so they could ‘go for a walk at just talk birthday plans’ Apparently on agreeing on the piano he then started planning for my 40th next year. He has shown the same generosity in the lead up to Christmas enjoying the buying and organising of presents for his brother and others as much as the sweet agony of trying to work out what he might get.

We continued to enjoy the lead up to Christmas with carols on the Saturday night before with our lovely friends Soy and Elissa and their kids. The rain that had poured down all day stopped just in time and the kids roamed around the park with the neighbourhood kids, skirting water at each other and generally while we grown-ups sipped champagne and congratulated ourselves on a year well done.

We drove down to my parents place for Christmas and Christmas Eve was all that you would want. Thomas was literally jumping up and down after writing his note to Santa with pure and unadulterated excitement and anticipation. We went to church to see my niece and nephew as a king and wise man respectfully which was endearing. Especially, my young nephew who brought tears of laughter to my sister (his other aunty) and my eyes as he – without thought while sitting in the pew next to us started to do learned hand actions to Away in a Manger.

Al was completely gorgeous with everyone and charmed the sox off the whole crowd with his smile and chubby legs. It was so good to see him well as we had had a night during the week in hospital with asthma. He is rolling to get everything and anything and we are pleading with him not to crawl until after our camping holiday.

Santa did as Santa does and we were initially woken with a ‘Mum Santa has come!’ at 1:00am and then joined in our – already filled with baby – bed by a wriggling Thomas who was beside himself with excitement. We re-awoke at 6:00 to open presents and had a lovely morning and lunch with my extended family eating food that my mother could not have gone to more trouble over and that was completely gorgeous. Heading home in the afternoon to meet up with Gaye’s mum who arrived first thing on Boxing Day.

A week of holiday fun has followed with laid back and thoroughly enjoyable family outings fit for a grandmother, two mothers, an 8 year and an 8 month old to the beach to try out the new surf board, a couple of different pools (Al just adored the indoor one kicking and splashing with glee) , a middle of the day dvd Harry Potter festival, a bit of cricket and dog walking, a return trip on the ferry to harbour side beach for fish and chips and a swim on NYEve – amused and rather horrified to see the punters already lining up for the fireworks 10.5 hours away.

We ended the year – well sort of it was 9:00pm – watching the fireworks and eating chocolate from the hill at our local park, which has good views over the city. I don’t know about Gaye, but I felt very content sitting there – the four of us and her mum – thinking of the year that had gone by and looking forward to the one that is upon us…

Happy New Year to all

Do you believe?

2007-12-14T11:37:00.000+10:30

Thomas - bless his cotton sox - is so enjoying the lead up to Christmas this year. The advent calendar is fun, picking out and talking about presents is completely fabulous especially leaking fake ideas about what a present might be. (Imagine lots of over acting, wide eyes the whole bit) and the looking forwarding to spending time with family is completely fantastic. If only it could last longer (in his mind!).

We have had a question about Santa's realness (tell me the truth Mum!) but he is completely clear that it would be a bit rude not to believe in Santa since he brings presents. I think this will be our last year when he believes but next year he will really want to enter into Al believing so the fun can go on...

My line is it depends on what you believe...one aunt has told him she got up once in the middle of the night and saw a flash of red she is sure was Santa. Gaye told him she saw a flash of light the year she flew from Darwin at midnight on Christmas Day so she is completely sure he exists.

He has what he calls 'a full-proof 100% plan' in that he has asked Santa to give me a surf board this year and it 'isn't like you will be able to hide that in the car on the way to Papa's'. Soooo if I get a surf board and I can't see one on the car - Santa definitely exists!

man&wife4life

2007-12-11T13:55:00.000+10:30

I just read this post from Kelly from The Muriels:

The Australian Christian Lobby has started an email campaign called Man+Wife4Life here:

Man+Wife4Life

which encourages Christians to send emails to their pollies opposing the ACT Civil Union/Partnership Bill.

They've done a great job of uploading all the postcodes/pollies in Australia so that all you have to do is type in your p/code and it automatically comes up with the contact emails for you. You then type in your message and, "bingo" it shoots off to the appropriate representative.

I thought it would be a shame to waste such excellent work, so I have used their very clever form to send off emails of SUPPORT for the ACT Bill.

Posted here in case anyone else feels so inclined.

I just did it - it was so much fun ... I used all their language too - just turned it around!

Just in case anyone else felt like a bit of a laugh while, you know, trying to fix the world ...

Advent

2007-12-11T13:15:00.000+10:30

We have entered into the Christmas spirit and our advent calendar full of activities with the tree up and Santa photos taken, our home is awash with Christmas cards that are half made and half written. It is Al's first Christmas but Thomas is awash with the traditions and must haves during the Christmas season. He has joined up all of our individual family traditions and made them his own. The things he enjoys the most are the 'doing things' that involve us all like:

each of us picking out a new decoration for our tree and Thomas picking one for his Dad's and one for my Mum's. This is a tradition that dates from my childhood and my parents tree (before they lost everything in the fire) was heavy with memories from childhood, early 20s travel and friends and relatives who visited for one Christmas or another as each trip or visit involved the adding of decorations to the tree. This year he picked up one for his brother and our tree is starting to look nice and full - I am looking forward to being an old lady and enjoying all those memories again. I will have a very strong memory from this year of Al rolling over and over from his spot in the middle of the room so he is lying under the decorated tree watching with huge eyes the lights and reaching up with all his might to grab a unreachable glowing star or twinkly ball.
stirring the pudding mixture and making a wish. This comes from my Dad's side of the family and Thomas has been involved every year in a pudding stirring. Some years when we won't see my folks around Christmas my Mum makes a pudding in November, this year she is saving one for the 21/12 when we will be there so he (and we) can have our annual wish. The last two years Gaye and I have wished for a baby and then his healthy arrival. Until a week or so ago I felt like I wouldn't know what to wish for this year - but now I shall wish for their ongoing health and happiness.
visiting Santa (includes photo - thou Thomas did in fact refuse to have his photo with that strangely dressed big man from aged 3 - 5 so there are a couple of years missing) and writing his note and leaving out some of my birthday cake for him at night
decorating the tree - which has been brought back to the first week in December as that is Gaye's tradition - which also must involve the playing of Christmas music (that's me) and now the decorating of the house (this is all Gaye and Thomas - who each respectfully love the 'tack' and 'beauty' of the Christmas lights)
buying a present to go under the wishing tree for a child whose parents can't give them Christmas
the making of a Christmas decoration - this year we are making chains of cardboard into reindeer's and Santa's. Complicated but good fun.
a picnic one night some where where there is carols by candlelight - some years we do the big thing in town - some years the local park or church

Rather endearingly Thomas enjoys the talking of what to get for others just as much as what he might get himself - possibly more. Gaye and Al have been away for a couple of days visiting and he is longing for her return so they can go for a walk and discuss at length (again) the birthday and Christmas possibilities.

We have also promised Thomas this year a drive in the middle of the night to look at houses where people 'go crazy' with their lights. We will also walk our neighbour hood on Christmas Eve - but it doesn't seem like our (slightly more inner city and groovy) neighbours are as enthusiastic as our old neighbourhood was.

Thomas has an advent calendar of course - it is day 11 today and he is sure it is going to take FOREVER to get to day 25!

2007-12-03T13:51:00.000+10:30

Today I attended the funeral of one of Thomas' classmates. He was just 6 years old and only had a very short illness. I actually don't know what he died of (there are many stories going around school) but I understand he fought hard. I was moved by the service and a bit in awe of his mother who spoke so eloquently of her boy. My heart breaks of her and the rest of his family and the sight of that small coffin was overwhelming.

His sudden death has haunted me all week - as it would I think of any mother of a small boy. I am sitting here at my desk with his service notes in front of me and their is a photo taken sometime recently on the front of his grinning face.

We are trying to help Thomas understand that yes children do die but he can still feel safe in the world.

But mostly today - everyday - I thank the goddess that both my boys are well.

another childhood milestone

2007-11-21T11:16:00.001+10:30

I was going to be at a conference this week. Not a fabulous conference but it was in another state and staying in a hotel where breakfast in bed would be an everyday event for three whole days. When someone else would be making my bed and where I would get to look at new shops and of-course of-course learn new and interesting things from the conference and I would be away from my boss for awhile – which would be a nice break – the two of us need one from each other at the moment..

But alas no, I am not … I am at home – I am in the office.

I am at home and in the office because Thomas fell out of a tree on Friday night while we were at the park celebrating Lightning’s First Birthday (Which involved making a liver and rice flour birthday cake and making up dog and kid treat bags a couple of bottles of bubbly and some biccies and dips at the park with hmm 15 friends and 10 dogs. The party was very Thomas’ idea who also said in the lead up “well we will be celebrating Al’s first birthday won’t we? So why wouldn’t we celebrate Lightning’s he is part of our family” and “how many years do you think it will take Lightning to understand that it is his birthday in November”) and broke his arm.

I make light of it now because he is okay. He has a shoulder to wrist cast which is along the back of his arm. His full cast will go on tomorrow. But it is the “best kind” of break as it is in alignment. He is still in a bit of pain my poor darling and not sleeping all that well … and a tough few weeks ahead missing out on all sorts of things at school which is very sad.

But as my work friends have said it is a right of child hood and at least he did it in the normal way – falling out of a tree.

Thomas' Christmas talk

2007-11-20T14:26:00.000+10:30

My celebration to talk about is Christmas.

Before Christmas we make the pudding. When I make the pudding we do it at Paule’s house with my cousins. We make a wish when we stir the pudding. Then on Christmas Day we eat the pudding.

We also decorate the tree. I decorate two trees one with Dad and H and one with Mum and Gaye. This year Al and Lightning will be there too.

My Dad grows a tree in a pot, my Mum tried to but she always killed them so now we get a fresh tree which is big.

We put milk and beer and my Mum’s birthday cake out for Santa and big juicy carrots for the reindeers. We read The Night Before Christmas before I go to bed. My Grandpa knows all the words.

There is lots of different music for Christmas and I like it because you only sing it when it is Christmas.

I like Christmas because it is a happy day

the craziness seems to be starting early

2007-11-13T09:23:00.000+10:30

Just as all those Christmas decorations start to come earlier and earlier each year so does the socialising 'we must catch up before Christmas'

Fortunately for Gaye and I we are simultaneously emerging from new-baby fog and quite enjoying the times with friends and getting out and about.

This weekend flew by - aided by Thomas' Dad quiting his job and being available on weekends for the first time in 6 or 7 years (not sure how I feel about this) and so coming to pick him up and take him to a surfing lesson on Saturday afternoon. We also helped out at the school fete and caught up with friends for dinner on Saturday night for dinner with what seemed like an army of children and adults but I think was only 11 in total. We had brunch at other friends on Sunday morning - a friendship that is in the process of being re-newed and enjoyed a swim at the famous but completely overwhelming Bon*di Beach.

Al is really into his solids now - loving chicken and pumpkin mashed together ALOT. He is sitting for a few moments at a time and starting to really enjoy games like peek a boo.

Thomas continues to follow the election with interest (more than me if truth be told - I feel sure we are going to get another go of our current prime minister) he can't believe we haven't voted yet...it has seemed like a very long campaign.

cup

2007-11-06T15:59:00.000+10:30

Today I found myself having breakfast with Thomas and checking out the form-guide. It must be Cup Day. I am not a fan of the horse riding myself - but it seems in very bad form not to lightly engage what is a national past time. I admit to feeling slightly uncomfortable about doing it thou - it is weird how gambling is OK in this context. Is it a good message do you think? - it is okay to bet occasionally as long as you realise you might lose the money... Anyway he chose Purple Moon because the rider had won twice before and I agreed to go with his choice too. His Dad who does not bet at any other time of the year has always bet on the Cup and mostly he wins. This is the message I got post race on my mobile phone:

Hi Mum I finally won in second place, Purple Moon came second. I don't how much money is. DAD DIDN'T WIN THIS TIME (exaggerated tone) but you would have won of course because Purple Moon came second unless you did a first bet which wouldn't be too smart. Anyway Dad lost $20.00, $20.00 (exaggerated tone). So that's that bye,

plates and braces are cool Muma

2007-10-31T14:27:00.001+10:30

So ... for the last six months we have been visiting orthodontist with Thomas. For first and second opinions about when and where and what he is going to need in orthodontic treatment. We started out with the world known where it was like going to a braces factory and worked our way to nice and kind and sensible local orthodontist. All we spoke to said the same thing - it isn't a question of if but a question of when and the sooner the better.

So after much agonising (which I won't bore you with - except to say that this has been recommended as the least painful route and most likely to end in least intervention) we decided to start now.

Thomas has been dreading it and so have I (OK so I have post braces issues from my youth). So today was the day and I got myself into a frenzy of organisation to ensure that all possibilities were covered - day off school, half a day off school, Panadol etc etc.

And he has decided they are cool...

meant to be

2007-10-29T11:18:00.000+10:30

Sometimes things just feel like they are meant to be. For the last few months Gaye and I have been agonising over how to best manage care of Al when she works. We would prefer it if we could be at home with him (at least one of us!) and so Gaye has (after running out of leave and savings) undetaken the majority of her work from home. She has to go to meetings a bit at the office but we have managed this hour or two through the lovely Aunty Lou or him coming to work with me or going with Gaye and a couple of occasions when our folks were in town. But it is becoming a bit hard on Gaye to actually get her work done - what we needed was someone who could be around to help out.

The thing is we didn't want to leave him with anyone we didn't know - we have wished we had a grandma down the road to drop him in with for a little awhile or another friend with a smallish baby looking for a bit of a swap.

The other day on the bus to work I ran into a young man (I sound so old saying that!) who I have known through my dearest friends most of his life. My dearest friends - and parenting gurus - donated sperm to both his mothers 20 years and 17 years ago and the two boys they had have grown up closely as extended family with the two girls my dearest friends had 19 and 15 years ago. Way before everyone was doing it - they were. Although I don't spend much time with his mothers when we do get together we are completely up to date on each other and our kids as our mutual friend's keep us in the loop and I have spent time with the boys often when I have been at my friend's home.

Anyway I went home and talked to Gaye about seeing him - he has grown into a lovely man. He has taken on lots of responsibilities in his life for others in his family who are vulnerable and is kind and easy to talk to. Anyway we looked at each other and said 'what about him for Al'

I just rang him and he is keen. Gaye will be at home most of the time when he is there and I am only two minutes up the road when she is not. I completely trust him to be kind and sensible at all times.

Don't you think it is kind of gorgeous that our baby boy with two mothers is going to be babysat by a grown boy of two mothers!

For my family ... I will be voting Green

2007-10-15T12:08:00.001+09:30

Six Months

2007-10-15T09:23:00.000+09:30

Al is six months old and completely gorgeous.

He smiles and laughs whenever we walk past - even if it is 2 minutes since he last saw us. His personality is really emerging, he is a relaxed and calm baby - like his mother.

We found out last week after (another) scary trip to emergency that he is allergic to wheat and eggs and so are adapting Gaye's (and therefore all of our) diets appropriately. As well as recognising that introduction to food will go slowly slowly in our place

He loves his solid food - pears and rice and potatoes so far. And is enjoying having a cup of water - to the point of crying if it is taken away which is pretty funny since he really doesn't cry about much else.

Al moved into the bedroom next door last week, as an attempt to discourage him from calling for room service quite so often. Which has improved Gaye's sleep somewhat.

Rather (completely) endearingly, Thomas has insisted on moving his bed into the same room so he can sleep next to his brother (and turning his bedroom into a playroom).

Lets go green then

2007-10-15T09:19:00.000+09:30

I find myself slightly flummoxed that I am hoping like crazy that the finally called election results in a fairly right-wing left gets in, rather than the horror that is the current government getting another term. It is a case of better than bad I guess.

Thomas’ take on the election is going keep us amused. We have had many conversations already about voting and policies. And how there are two big parties and some smaller ones. He thinks of it like a football game (perhaps it is)…If only it were as easy as this to get other people around to my ideas…

“So Mum, who are you going for?”
“Labor honey”
“Not Mr Howard?”
“No – not Mr Howard, Mr Rudd?”
“So – you like Mr Rudd?”
“I like what he believes in better than what Mr Howard believes in”
“Like the taxes going on schools making them better that stuff”
“Yep that is the sort of thing”
“OK so we are going for the Labors?”
“Yep and the Greens”
“Who is the boss of the Green’s”
“Bob Brown”
“Do you like Bob Brown?”
“I really really like Bob Brown”
"He is the one who likes garden's isn't he?but his Greens are too small to win on their own"
"Yep thats them"
“OK, well I think I will go for the Greens and Labor too”

This morning there was a cartoon of Howard and Rudd dressed as B1 and B2 with a small Costello next to Howard. He asked if it was Howard’s son and I explained that Howard was planning to hand over his leadership half way through his term. “You got to be kidding, why don’t we get to vote about that then?”

An excellent point ….

Baby Charlotte

2007-09-26T13:20:00.001+09:30

Many congratulations to Kelly and Sam at The Muriels http://themuriels.blogspot.com/ on the birth of their girl Charlotte.

Yay!